Believing Is Seeing
by bravevulnerability
Summary: "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." An AU story for Christmas.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Inspired by a prompt from the castlefanficprompts page that will be posted at the end of this story to avoid spoiling the path it will take. I will be updating every day until we reach the Christmas holiday and I'd like to think of this as my gift to you for all of the gracious support that has been shown to me throughout this year. Hope you enjoy.**

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><p>"Benny, heel," he huffs, following after the dog who completely ignores his command and plows forward down the sidewalk, hopefully towards the coffee shop he's trying to make it to in one piece.<p>

He likes Benny the black Labrador, he loves his daughter and mother for picking the dog out for his most recent birthday, but they're both still new at this - Benny's still a pup fresh out of training and Castle's still used to relying on his cane for getting around, not another living thing. Especially not a living thing with a short attention span and apparent control issues.

The GPS specially enabled on his phone beeps and he tightens his grip on the dog's leash, bringing him to an easy halt. Castle takes a breath of relief and reaches for the handle of the coffee shop's door, allowing the dog to step inside ahead of him.

He comes here often, maybe once or twice a week if he has the time, and they all know him, all know why he sometimes struggles to enter the establishment or accidentally bumps into another patron if he isn't careful. He's barely gotten through the door when a familiar hand touches his shoulder.

"Hey there, Mr. Castle. Your usual window seat?" Marianne, a girl Alexis's age and also his favorite of the servers, asks and he nods.

"Of course, you know I love the view," he jokes, listening to Marianne greet Benny with soft words and the stroke of her hand along his back before she leads them towards the corner of the shop.

But after only a handful of cautious steps, before they can maneuver their way to the booth, Benny guides him straight into another person.

"Hey, watch where you're going," the woman snaps, her hands braced at his chest, ready to push him away, but he grips her elbows.

"I'm sorry, it was an accident, I promise. My dog is still a puppy and he still has the tendency to get distracted."

There's a pause and he can hear the woman's soft intake of breath as realization sets in.

"Shit, you're - I'm sorry."

He chuckles and let's her go, making sure they both have their footing before he takes a step back. "It's fine. Easy mistake."

"Maybe, but that was just - it was rude. Let me buy you a coffee to make up for it," he listens to her decide, her tone of voice leaving no room for argument, so he shrugs, points towards the memorized direction of his usual spot.

"If you insist."

Her hand cups his elbow, long slender fingers curling around the bone, and it remains there until they're sitting safely at the booth with Benny beneath the table.

"By the way, I'm Kate."

Her hand leaves his elbow to take one of his own when he holds it out to her.

"Lovely to meet you, Kate. I'm Rick."

Kate chuckles as she shakes his hand and he smiles, finding pleasure in the soft sound of her laughter.

"I know who you are, Mr. Castle."

His heart sinks a little at that. If she knows who he is, she knows about the accident, about his reputation beforehand, and he feels his chances - not that he had many to begin with - to be anything more than the blind guy she's buying a pity drink for rapidly diminishing.

"Ah," he murmurs, releasing her hand and dropping his to the table. "Should have figured that."

"Thought you'd appreciate the recognition," she quips, bumping him with her shoulder, eliciting a grin from his lips.

Normally, other people tend to behave cautiously when around him, afraid to touch or jostle him, as if his entire body is something fragile. So far, this woman Benny drove him into has treated him like a normal human being.

He already likes her.

"Not so much anymore," he confesses on a shrug, turning his head towards the sound of Marianne's approaching footsteps.

Kate insists he orders first and he decides to try one of the holiday flavors the shop always whips up for this time of year. Kate orders a latte, skinny with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, and he finds himself memorizing the beverage preference. Just in case he's ever lucky enough to run into her here again after today.

"I miss your writing," she says once Marianne has disappeared from their table, her voice laced with shyness, and he glances in her direction, wondering if the surprise he feels has slipped onto his face.

"You read my work?"

"Derrick Storm was... your books were kind of important to me, yeah," she admits, the movement of her arm beside him causing him to believe she's brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, as if she's nervous telling him this.

"Sorry I killed him," Rick winces, listening to her laugh, finding he loves that sound the more he hears it. "I was - it hadn't necessarily been the plan, but after... after I lost my sight, I lost my inspiration as well."

"Understandable," she hums, a change of tune from the usual sigh of disappointment he tends to receive for that answer. "Working on anything new?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a reporter trying to finagle answers out of me," he teases, but she huffs, something like amusement slipping past her lips, and a second later she's taking his hand, placing something leather, like a belt clip, in his palm.

Castle swipes his thumb over the item, feels the cool metal beneath his fingertip.

"Is this a badge?" he murmurs, concentrating on the shape of numbers he's tracing over, the letters and the design in the middle.

"Detective's badge," she affirms and his eyebrows shoot upwards.

"Detective?" She hums in assent while he returns the badge to her. "What division?"

"Homicide," she sighs, a whisper of sadness to her voice that he immediately wants to understand. "Still afraid I'm a reporter?"

Castle smirks. "Oh no, Detective. But you can interrogate me anytime."

Kate scoffs and he listens as Benny's nails click on the wooden floor, quietly moving beneath the table, closer to the woman at his side.

He fears they're both already quite smitten with her.

* * *

><p>"I usually have a cane," he explains, circling the mug of his peppermint latte with his thumb. "It's way more cooperative."<p>

"Don't hurt his feelings," Kate teases, rubbing between the dog's ears while he stares up at her with his big brown eyes. She's been sitting with Rick and Benny for the last hour, long after she finished her coffee, and she's in no hurry to leave. It's her day off after all and this is the nicest one she's had in a while. "So why are you using him then?"

Richard Castle shrugs. "Alexis picked him out for my birthday earlier this year. He's a good dog, but like I said when he threw us together earlier, still a bit of a puppy."

Kate smiles softly at Benny, the dog's head on her knees. She hadn't recognized her favorite author at first, not until _after _she had insulted him, but after talking with him for an hour about the dog, his daughter, and even a bit about herself, she thinks she's made up for her momentary blunder.

"He seems to like you."

"You can tell?"

She likes his smile, it makes his blue eyes shine, and she bites her lip.

She doesn't have the room to like him.

"I bet his head is in your lap. He does the same thing with Alexis. Am I right?"

Kate glances between him and the dog, trying to conceal her smile even though Rick can't see it - he still seems to _know, _to sense, when she smiles - and shrugs even though he can't see that either.

"Maybe."

He laughs, soft and deep, the warmth in his voice rich and enticing, and she wouldn't normally rush into things with a guy, wouldn't normally be so forward, and she shouldn't, but there's something about Rick that pulls her in. There's something about him that makes her want to talk with him for hours despite the fact that they've only just met. It scares her, it excites her, and it's restricting her from saying goodbye.

"What are you doing for the rest of the day?"

His eyebrows quirk and he orientates himself towards her in the booth they're taking up very little space in.

"Why, Detective Beckett, are you asking me to spend the rest of the day with you?"

"Don't be presumptuous, it's unattractive," she mumbles, glad she doesn't have to hide the blush of her cheeks. "I just thought I would be a better guide than Benny here."

"Ah, well, can't argue that logic," he grins, accepting the hand she offers.

Kate pays for their drinks and holds to his arm while she leads him towards the door, keeping her grip light but assuring as she walks with him and the dog out into the December chill.

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><p>"What do you look like?" he asks, trying to shift his focus from the pleasant warmth of her fingers curled around the crook of his elbow. He's never liked anyone to guide him, only ever allowing Alexis and his mother the opportunity in the early days when he could hardly take a step forward without stumbling, but he doesn't mind Kate leading him, not if it gives her the excuse to touch him.<p>

"Does that matter to you?" Kate counters, an edge to her voice, but mostly just curiosity.

They're in a park, he thinks. He can hear the pounding sneakers from joggers on the nearby trail, hears the bustle of families with young children, the overly familiar sound of a dog barking in the nearby distance.

Castle shrugs. "No, I just want to know if you're anything close to what I'm picturing in my head."

"What are you picturing in your head?" she murmurs, countering again, but he doesn't mind. He just hopes he isn't too off the mark with his mental image of her, because judging solely from her voice and the sweet scent of cherries she carries with her, he's built her up into something along the lines of a modern day goddess in his mind.

"Brown eyes?"

"Mm, more of a hazel," she replies, tugging him closer as he feels a group of pedestrians pass them by. "My mom always said they were a mixture between green and brown, with little gold specks. Made me sound like I had some rare jewel tone decorating my eyeballs."

Castle chuckles, silently rejoicing when she doesn't attempt to regain that inch of space she eradicated between them.

"Brunette?"

"Mhmm."

"You're tall," he continues, feeling a little more confident after his short string of correct guesses. "I don't need to see to know that. And from what you've told me about your job, I assume you're in good shape. Athletic, probably super hot."

"Castle," she huffs, nudging his shoulder with her own.

"Ooh, I'm right, aren't I? I just met a badass detective who looks like a supermodel, didn't I?"

"Shut up," she mutters and he laughs, managing a small pump of his fist that has her joining in.

Benny tugs against the restraint of his harness, a little excited from the increasing sounds of amusement, and Castle tightens his hand around the leash to keep the dog at a steady pace.

"Maybe you could lead me around the city more often," Castle muses, smothering the hope from seeping into his voice. If Kate is as beautiful as he's imagined, she probably has options - better options - than an unsuccessful blind author, and ever since the accident, ever since his loss of sight, he's grown accustomed to rejection.

But instead of the gentle letdown he's expecting, the fingers around his arm slide down, trailing along the inside of his arm until her palm slips into his. Their fingers fit effortlessly, the leather glove stretched across her palm kissing his, and she secures her grip with a soft squeeze.

"I'd like that."

Kate walks him up to his loft an hour later, presses a smile to his cheek after she enters her number into his phone, and just before he can go inside and she can disappear down the hall, he holds her close by the hand for just a moment.

"Thank you," he murmurs, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze. "Today was a lot of fun for me."

He swears he can feel her smiling. He so badly wishes he could see it.

"For me too," she answers. "You and Benny are great company."

"I hope next time you can settle for just me," he teases and she laughs quietly in response, shifting in front of him.

"Next time, huh?"

He pauses, his face falling in hesitation. Maybe she hadn't meant what she'd said earlier, maybe she was just being nice to him, showing him sympathy just like everyone else.

"Well - I just assumed because of - when you said-"

"Shh, Castle," she chuckles, touching her lips to his cheek for a second time, allowing him to _feel _her smile. "As soon as I get a day off, okay?"

They've only spent the last four hours together and he doesn't want to cross any lines, especially when Kate seems a bit guarded from what he's gathered, but he wraps an arm around her waist, loose and brief, allowing her the option to escape. Instead, she returns the one armed embrace and he allows his eyes to flutter closed for a moment.

For the past five years, he hasn't had a reason to be excited for much. Learning to read and write in Braille turned his original career into something intimidating, his lack of direction had made going outside on his own into a field trip, and for a while, he hadn't wanted to do anything more than lie in bed and imagine how the world used to look through eyes that could see.

And he shouldn't invest so much hope in her, not so soon, but Kate Beckett has given him something to look forward to.

Kate steps away and he lets her, making sure to have a friendly smile ready for her, and she curls her fingers around his bicep in one final squeeze.

"I'll call you," she murmurs.

"Looking forward to it," he responds, a smirk on his lips while he retrieves his keys from his coat pocket.

"Castle," she huffs in reprimand, her voice already disappearing down the hall.

"Night, Kate," he chuckles, offering a wave in the general direction of the elevator.

"Until tomorrow," he catches, the words soft and hopeful as they reach his ears.

He's almost afraid of how hopeful she makes him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I would like to apologize ahead of time for any medical inaccuracies that may arise in this story. I made my best attempt to research as much as I could, but, in my opinion, some things can only be learned through experience. With that being said, I truly hope the potential mistakes that may appear in this fic do not ruin the story for anyone.**

**And to biblioclaire, thank you for pointing out that not all seeing eye dogs are necessarily the same.**

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><p>She had a date with Richard Castle and she was nervous. She can't remember the last time she was nervous for a date and it's ridiculous, because the last time she was with him, he made her feel so at ease.<p>

Kate huffs and ceases her pacing, tossing the two sweaters back on the bed. It's just dinner at his place with him and the likely appearance of his family. He had told her enough about his daughter that she already feels like she knows the girl, already likes her, and his mother sounds nice too, as well as entertaining. She doubts Rick would care what outfit she wore or how she chose to style her hair, she doubts his family will either, but the out of place anxiety still crawls along her spine.

It's likely due to the fact that she hasn't dated in so long, choosing to focus solely on her work. There was Will all those years ago, and Tom, the detective from robbery, even a blind date here and there thanks to Lanie, but none of those men felt important. Not like Castle does after only one meeting and a week's worth of late night phone calls and daylong strings of text messages.

He already feels too important.

Kate shakes her head and grabs the royal purple sweater, tugging it over her head. She's been looking forward to seeing him again for the last week and a half, she's not going to cancel on him due to spur of the moment doubts and insecurity.

She takes the subway to his loft in SoHo, exiting the train a stop early to walk the rest of the way and clear her head. By the time she's greeting the doorman she met the last time she was here and riding the elevator up to his floor, she's calmer, her excitement swallowing up her irrational nerves.

Benny's bark resounds through the apartment when she knocks on the door and Kate grins, listening to the quick footsteps and the accompanying click of nails on hardwood.

"Oh, you must be Kate!" A teenage girl with fiery red hair greets her and this must be Castle's daughter. She can see it in the eyes alone, the bright blue irises sharper than Castle's, but definitely similar. "I'm Alexis. Dad is just finishing up dinner."

"He cooks?" She bites her lip the moment the words are out, horrified by how it must sound, but his daughter only nods eagerly while she escorts Kate inside.

"Yeah, he used to cook all the time, but after the accident it was obviously more challenging, so he took a special class for it," Alexis explains, taking Kate's coat for her and hanging it in the nearby closet. "I hope you're good with Italian."

Kate grins, patting Benny's head when he nudges against the back of her knee. "Sounds perfect."

She follows Alexis through the foyer, forcing her jaw to remain shut as she silently marvels over the beauty of his home, and feels herself smiling when she spots Rick in the fantastic kitchen, brow furrowed in concentration as he stirs something that steams and sends the delicious aroma of something rich and garlic through the air.

His head lifts before she can greet him and she watches in a mixture of amusement and fascination as he turns towards her and Alexis, the smile already splitting his face wide open.

"Hey, you made it," he beams, abandoning his cooking to stride towards her.

Alexis offers her a wink before stepping away, disappearing towards the dining room table, leaving Kate alone with her father.

Kate chuckles when he reaches her, accepting the embrace he engulfs her in with a smile she hides against his shoulder.

"Of course I did," she hums, huddling into the warmth of his chest.

He smells like coffee and tomato sauce, a hint of cologne exuding from the skin of his neck, and his arms tighten around her when her nose just barely brushes the throbbing pulse beneath his jaw. She knows she should let go, that this is bordering the line of more than she's ready for, and she sighs in quiet regret, pulls away.

"You okay?" he asks, startling her with a hand at her face, but he only traces the crease of her eyebrow with his thumb, the frown lines of her lips, seeing her expression through touch.

"Yeah, it's just… been a long week," she murmurs, which isn't a lie. The rate of homicide always increases the closer they grow to the holidays, and after working back to back murders in the last 36 hours, she's spent.

"You didn't have to come, you know," Castle teases, his thumb still trailing along her cheek, studying.

"I wanted to and your sauce is going to burn."

He startles and spins on his heel, returning to the steaming pot with surprising grace for a man who has no sight.

Benny nudges her knee once more and Kate sighs, her eyes still on Rick as she bends to stroke the dog's head.

"Darling," she hears the exclamation from the top of the nearby stairs and turns her head to see an older woman sashaying down them in a dress sparkling with a sea of sequins. "Whatever you're cooking smells absolutely wonderful. It almost has me wishing I was staying in for the evening."

Castle smirks and turns off the burner. "I could always whip up an extra plate, Mother."

"Oh no, dear. You know I can't," his mother sighs, just as dramatic as Castle described her, but the woman brightens when her eyes land on Kate. "But you _must _introduce me to this beautiful creature before I depart."

Kate blushes under his mother's appraisal as she comes sweeping into the room, sharing a thumbs up with Alexis who watches in amusement from the couch. Castle wipes one of his hands on a dishtowel and comes up behind her, his hand hesitates at his side for a moment before he places it to the small of Kate's back.

"Mother, this is Detective Kate Beckett. Kate, this is Martha Rodgers."

Martha takes her hand, holding it between both sets of her decorated fingers as she gives it a firm shake.

"It's such a pleasure to meet you, dear. Richard has talked nonstop about you since-"

"Mother, aren't you going to be late?" Castle cuts in, the hand at her back clenching just slightly, and Kate doesn't even try to conceal her grin, allowing the woman in front of her to see it.

"So bashful," Martha huffs, waving him off as she flitters away to hug Alexis goodbye and blow a kiss to the dog.

"Sorry about that," Castle mumbles, his cheeks turning a subtle but adorable shade of pink, and Kate uses the advantage of her heels to simply lean sideways, brush her smile to one of those inflamed cheeks.

His eyes widen every time she does that, flaring with surprise and delight, giving her the courage to linger a moment longer tonight.

"Don't be. So far, I'm liking your family, Castle," she murmurs against the stubble stained skin of his cheek that she thinks just got even warmer.

Rick finds one of her hands dangling between them and leads her towards the dining room. Martha calls one last goodbye and Alexis rises from the sofa to join them, occupying Beckett's attention while Castle returns to the kitchen.

"So Dad told me Benny is responsible for your meeting," Alexis muses, a sly grin flirting along her lips while she slips into one of the comfortable looking chairs.

Kate follows suit, sitting down across from her and taking Alexis' subtle headshake as a sign against trying to help Castle serve the meal. She's beginning to learn how stubborn his disability can make him, how independent, and she's not yet sure whether she admires it or feels concern because of it.

"Yeah, I was getting in line to order my drink and then your dad was smacking into me," she chuckles.

"I did not _smack_," he informs her, sauntering towards the table with a large dish steaming with heat and a delicious scent. "I gracefully bumped."

Kate scoffs and stands from her seat after he's places the chicken parmigiana on the table. She goes to grab the bowl of pasta and cooked vegetables despite his brief protest while he serves. Minutes later, she's moaning quietly over the amazing taste, the rich burst of flavors on her tongue.

"Castle, this is fantastic," she compliments, watching him beam, preening like a peacock as he chews smugly around a forkful of angel hair pasta.

"Told you I'd gotten better since the last time," he shoots towards Alexis, who rolls her eyes in return.

"Last time, Dad put in the wrong ingredients in," Alexis explains, twirling her fork around her plate, sneaking a piece of leftover chicken from the edge of the dish, slipping it beneath the table to the dog Kate can feel sitting between the two of them. "We had to order pizza that night."

"It is not my fault that _someone _left the vinegar where the olive oil should be," he says, giving his daughter a pointed look from his seat at the head of the table and Alexis ducks her head from his stare.

"I'm glad you didn't tell me this before I started eating," Kate murmurs, earning an affronted look from the man beside her.

"My cooking skills are completely trustworthy. As long as no one moves the organized ingredients."

"I don't know, Castle. You may have to keep cooking for me to prove it," she muses, watching the corners of his mouth curl upwards.

"I could do that," he shrugs, directing his eyes back to his plate, but the forming smile doesn't leave his lips.

It doesn't leave his daughter's either and maybe she's diving into this all too soon, but for once, the panic doesn't drown her. Instead, she floats above the surface, giddy with butterflies for the first time in years.

* * *

><p>"Kate, you're a guest," he reminds her, but she still takes the rinsed plate from his hand, sticks it in the dishwasher.<p>

"And?"

He huffs, begins rinsing another dish under the stream from the faucet. Alexis had gone upstairs to study for an exam she had in the morning, promising to return to say goodbye before Kate left, and though she's enjoyed the girl's company, she's also relieved to have some time with Castle. Even if he doesn't want her helping clean his dishes.

"Can I ask you something?" she murmurs, taking the wine glass he hands her and arranging it neatly on the rack below.

"Sure," he replies, but apprehension hides in the higher pitch of his voice, and she hopes this isn't crossing any lines, but she wants to know, the detective in her needing to hear the truth that will cause it all to make sense.

"It's about the accident," she starts and he nods, seeming to have already guessed it. "I just wanted to know if I could hear your side of it."

He pauses momentarily at that, the plate in his hands still halfway smeared with tomato sauce.

"My side of it?"

"I only know what was in the papers," she explains, watching the flex of his forearms as he resumes the task of cleaning the dish. He looks good with his sleeves rolled up. "I was always kind of curious about what really happened."

Rick swallows and for a second, she fears she's pushed too far too soon, but then he starts to speak.

"I had taken Mother to the bank so she could apply for a loan. It was taking forever, I remember being so bored, playing Angry Birds on my phone, and then I noticed these people," he murmurs, furrowing his brow as he scrubs at the white surface of the dish. "They were dressed in scrubs, jackets that hid the guns. After that, it all happened pretty fast. They sealed the doors, took control of the place in minutes, and there was nothing anyone could do. For a while, the leader of the group was just going back and forth with negotiators, but they'd never planned to make a deal."

Kate notices his fingers go slack around the plate, allowing it to slip into the sudsy sea of the sink. His eyes stare straight ahead, remembering, seeing his final day with sight play out like a film in his mind, and she closes the dishwasher, steps in closer to him.

"All I remember after that is seeing the C4, telling my mother I loved her… the explosion went off and I can still feel it, the way it threw me back into the wall. But then it's just… black. And it stayed that way."

His hands clench around the edge of the sink and Kate covers one of the ivory colored sets of knuckles with her palm, curling her fingers around his.

"They said the impact of the blast slammed me into a wall, that I hit my head so hard it caused severe trauma," he explains, reaching to the back of his neck, rubbing at his nape before sliding his fingers over the back of his skull. "At first, the doctors thought the blindness would be temporary, that I'd only suffered a cerebral contusion that would cause some swelling and bleeding that would eventually diminish and allow my vision to return." Rick sighs, propping his elbows on the edge of the sink, keeping a firm hold of her hand. "But after a week, when they checked again, they realized my occipital lobe had been damaged, far more severely than they thought, and that's when they told me the blindness was likely permanent."

Kate leans into his side, resting her cheek to his shoulder. The media had portrayed him as an ass all those years ago, before the infamous bank explosion that killed seven of the fifteen trapped inside. She had believed his jackass, playboy persona after involuntarily catching snippets of an interview of him in the break room when they were working late and Ryan wanted to watch the talk show appearance. But that man she had once frowned at on the television was not the same one standing next to her.

"Saying I'm sorry sounds inadequate," she murmurs and he exhales a breath of hollow amusement.

"I don't need you to be sorry," he says softly, stroking his thumb along the bone of hers. "I'm still learning, but I'm doing better at living with it."

She hums. "Was Martha okay?"

"Thankfully," he nods. "She walked away with a broken leg, but for a long time she dealt with the guilt of being the reason we were there that day. It's better now, though. Much better."

Kate studies the knot of their hands, the tangle of their fingers, and she leans a little heavier into his side.

Much better.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate's phone rings only minutes after they resume washing the dishes and she answers with a sigh, complaining that it's her night off to the person on the other line, but ends up being called away to a crime scene anyway.

"I had a really good time tonight," Kate tells him while he walks her to the door. "Maybe we could do lunch or dinner again this week rather than waiting for my next day off."

His heart leaps at the suggestion, but he schools his features, offering her a composed smile.

"Only if you have the time, Detective," he teases, listening to the rustle of her coat as she slips it from the closet near the door.

"I think I can fit you into my schedule," she returns, her voice growing closer with the quiet click of her heels. "Call you?"

He nods, stiffening at the unexpected touch of her lips to the corner of his mouth, maddeningly close to his lips.

"I don't want to disturb Alexis's studying, tell her I said bye?"

He nods, again, dumbly, and senses the smile that crawls across her lips, still so close to his own.

"Night, Castle."

"Good luck with the case," he manages to throw out when he hears the door to the loft opening, feeling the electric current of her slowly diminishing with the distance.

Her hears her murmured 'thanks' before the front door is pulled to a soft shut and he's left standing in the empty foyer, staring at the place she would have stood, but not seeing. Never seeing.

* * *

><p>Alexis' bare footsteps come into his range of hearing, the quiet padding of her walking through his office and coming to a stop at his open bedroom doorway.<p>

"Night, Dad."

"Alexis, wait," he calls, sitting up in the bed and patting the spot next to him. He had only just crawled into bed, not yet tired at all, and now that his daughter has a moment of free time between exam studies, he was ready to grill her. Ooh, or as Kate would probably say, _interrogate_. "What did you think about Kate?"

Alexis plops down beside him on the bed, her shoulder pressing to his as they both lean back against the headboard.

"I liked her, so much more than anyone else you've dated," she admits and he quirks an eyebrow.

"As in… ever?"

His daughter shrugs. "I think so. Before the accident, you never went for anyone real. Or anyone who liked you for _you._"

Castle's brow furrows and he turns his head towards Alexis, already feeling her hesitation bubbling just under the surface.

"What do you mean?"

Alexis shifts beside him, not uncomfortable, but apprehensive. His daughter has always been honest with him, but when it's come to women, he's noticed she's tended to keep her opinions on his dates, his temporary girlfriends, to herself. And he's finally ready to hear what his daughter really thinks.

"Like I said, before the accident, you would only date the bimbos who wanted you to sign their chests. And I always understood why, but it's just really refreshing to see you with someone who actually cares about you. Not your money or your fame."

His lips curl into a smile and he loops an arm around his daughter, cuddling her against his chest.

"You think she really likes me?" he murmurs, cradling Alexis's head in his palm like he once did when she was just a baby.

"Yeah, she spent a good portion of dinner gazing at you," Alexis reveals, a smile in her voice. "It was cute. She would realize what she was doing and get flustered while she checked to make sure I hadn't been watching."

Castle grins, trying to picture it, trying to picture Kate.

"What does she look like?"

"I thought you didn't care about looks anymore," Alexis teases and he rolls his eyes to humor her.

"You know it's killing me not to have an image of her in my head. Give me something to go off. Ooh, I know. Compare her to an actress or a public figure I'd recognize."

"No, I don't want you picturing her in the wrong way. You'll see what she looks like when you can use your eyes again."

He manages not to deflate at the words, not on the outside at least. Alexis holds out so much hope, more than enough for both of them, that he'll one day regain his sight again. His optometrist had told him about potential treatment options, therapies and 'cures' that could one day restore his loss of vision, but it's been five years. Most of his hope has been stripped away by the harsh years of reality.

"She's seriously pretty," Alexis murmurs, quieter, as if she knows where she's inadvertently sent his train of thought. "Like, model pretty."

He gasps. "No way."

His daughter chuckles, but nods against his chest.

"I knew it, but now I'm even more confused."

Alexis sits up and he can envision her scrunched brow, her tilted head, when she asks, "About what?"

"Why she's wasting her time with me."

"Dad," she scolds, immediate and sharp, but Castle waves her off. He shouldn't have shared the insecurity with her, he wasn't trying to dampen her mood, but despite the success that was their dinner with Kate, the question still lingers in the back of his mind.

He startles at the band of Alexis's arms around his neck, but hugs her back, expecting a simple goodnight.

"It's not always about looks," Alexis whispers. "Sometimes, you can just love a person for who they are."

His eyes widen out of reflex, sending a small ripple through the darkness. They've had one date, it's far too soon to be bringing 'love' into the conversation, but he still returns his daughter's embrace.

"I know, Pumpkin."

But it's a lie, for him at least. There's a reason he hasn't been on anything more than pity dates in the last five years. This thing between him and Kate is still new, still simple, but once she realizes how complicated his life really is, she'll disappear. And he won't even be able to blame her.

* * *

><p>Kate knocks on his front door with determination, breathing in relief when she hears Benny on the other side, clawing at the metal frame. It means he's home and he can't ignore her.<p>

The door opens and Benny surges forward to greet her, pressing his muzzle into one of her knees, nudging against her palm when she rubs that particular spot between his ears.

"Kate."

Richard Castle doesn't seem half as enthusiastic. And that hurts her.

"Did I do something wrong?" she blurts.

She'd had a speech of sorts planned, a more delicate way of finding out why he decided to disregard her existence for the last week, but all of her practiced words have abandoned her now that she stands in front of him. And she realizes she doesn't want to coax an answer from him like a suspect, she wants the brutal truth now. She thought dinner had gone well. His family had liked her, _he _had liked her, but his lack of communication, his avoidance of her calls and texts, this cold silence from his end of things, tells her otherwise now.

"Because if I did, at least tell me what it is."

Rick sighs, scrubbing at his jaw and stepping to the side, extending an arm to motion her inside so he can shut the door. She huffs and strides in, feeling Benny follow suit at her heels.

"You didn't do anything," Castle murmurs, casting unseeing eyes to the ground as he walks past her, into the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, I want to know why you've been ignoring me for the last week. Alexis told me you've been sulking for the past few days. She thought I'd dumped you."

He curses under his breath and drops his elbows to the surface of the island, burying his face in his hands.

"I don't even know how she got your number."

"I gave it to her after dinner. A dinner I thought you'd enjoyed," she mutters, crossing her arms and diverting her own eyes to the hardwood floor at her feet. Benny stares up at her from his spot at her side, expectant, as if he's depending on her to fix his master's misery.

"I did enjoy it. I loved having you here."

"Then why are you pushing me away?" she demands, softer, lowering her voice while she follows his footsteps into the kitchen and it strikes her that for the first time in years, she's not the one running. She's the one pursuing someone for a change.

"I don't want to make your life harder, Kate," he sighs and she growls in return, watching in satisfaction when that gets his attention.

"Murderers make my life harder, Castle. Until you decided to shut me out, you were actually making my life a little more fun."

He stands up straight, turning towards her with the surprise prominent in his features, in his eyes, but it quickly fades, shrivels into something dull and hopeless.

"Until I turn into a burden, it won't be fun then," he counters, sending confusion spiraling through her. "My mother and Alexis would never say it out loud, but I know I'm the reason my daughter is going to Columbia rather than her dream school of Stanford. I'm the reason my mother has continued to stay here even though her acting studio is all the way across town. I make the lives of people I care about difficult, Kate. I was just trying to give you an out."

He moves to step past her, but she stops him with a hand to his chest.

"I never asked for one." His frown deepens and her heart aches for him, for the burden he's turned himself into and the way he's cut off all chances of allowing another person to care for him. She knows all too well what that's like. "You think I don't know that it would be difficult at times?"

Her hands on his face surprise him, but he doesn't remove them when her palms brush over his cheeks and her fingers curl at his ears.

"That day in the coffee shop, I stayed with you and Benny because I wanted to. Not because I felt obligated," she explains, stroking the shell of his ear with her thumb, watching his eyes flutter shut beneath the soft ministrations of her touch. "I walked around the city with you, came to dinner with you and met your family, because I like you, Castle. Didn't you _feel _that?"

Something like grief rumbles in his chest and she steps in closer, allowing her fingers to slip away from his ears, giving her the freedom to wind her arms around his neck. Castle's arms slither around her waist in return and she bumps his nose with her own.

"Seeing isn't everything, you know," she mumbles, and he huffs a laugh.

"Alexis told me the exact same thing."

"Smart girl," she grins, leaning in to brush her smile over his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't - you deserved better than that," he murmurs, resting his cheek against hers and she hums, twining her fingers through the fine hairs at the base of his skull.

"Just don't do it again, okay?"

He nods, rubbing a comforting hand at her back.

"Deal."

Benny bumps against the backs of her knees and Castle groans.

"Do you always have to ruin the moment?" he questions in the general direction of the dog and Kate rolls her eyes, stepping out of his embrace and twining their fingers.

"C'mon, we'll take Benny for a walk and then we'll have lunch."

Castle doesn't argue, smiling back at her in response as she tugs him towards the front door, clipping Benny's leash to the bright blue harness she has a feeling Alexis picked out while Castle slips into his coat.

She hands Castle the leash and he guides them out of the loft, locking the door behind them with surprising ease. He's confident when he laces an arm around her shoulders in the elevator and it has her heart rejoicing in palpitating flutters. If this is what she can have when she goes after something she wants, she thinks she'll play the pursuer in this chase for him more often.


	4. Chapter 4

"You don't have to come, Kate," he sighs, feeling her fingers tighten in his as he uses the cane to determine the correct direction.

"You invited me," she reminds him, her teeth chattering quietly when a sharp gust of winter wind blazes past them.

"Jokingly," he counters, concentrating on the slowing sounds of traffic and the quiet ding of the lighted crosswalk overhead before crossing the street with her. "It's your day off, you should be inside, where it's warm."

She almost has him tripping in the middle of the road when she leans in to smudge her smile to his cheek. "You're warm."

"You're going to get us run over," he chuckles, picking up their pace across the street, grinning at her soft laughter.

"Besides, they're just going to check your eyes, right?" she asks while they brave the foot traffic consuming the sidewalk leading up to his optometrist's office and he nods his confirmation. "And you wanted to go Christmas shopping for Alexis afterwards?"

He nods once more and holds the door for her when his GPS vibrates in his pocket and he's certain they've reached the correct location. "Thank you for agreeing to help with that. Twenty year old girls are hard to shop for."

"We'll find something," Kate assures him, allowing him to lead the way through the quiet waiting room, up to the front desk.

He signs in like always, receives a murmured greeting from the nurse, and lets Kate choose their seats.

"It's empty," she informs him and he admittedly relaxes a little at that.

Everyone always stares at him when he comes here – when he goes anywhere, really – and he can always sense the burning gazes of those around him. He hadn't worried about that much for today though, not with Kate at his side to distract him. And likely glare down anyone who looks his way for too long. She doesn't like for him to feel objectified in public, he learned that when she snapped at someone who apparently couldn't look away when she took him out to lunch last week after their first serious discussion about this somewhat unconventional relationship they've developed. She's protective, but not overbearing, and it's one of the things he loves about her.

"Mr. Castle."

Whoa, wait. Did he just-

"Rick, is that your doctor?"

He can't love her yet. It's too soon. But he can love qualities about her, right? That's allowed and isn't-

"Ouch," he hisses when Kate pinches his arm, but she merely chuckles.

"Writers," she sighs, standing with him while he grabs his cane and leads her to greet Dr. Milton. "Daydreaming life away."

"Your fault," he grumbles before coming to a stop in front of Milton.

"How is it my-"

"Morning, Mr. Castle," Milton greets, extending his hand for Rick to shake. "Brought company for a change?"

"This is Kate," Rick introduces her with pride while he retracts his hand to place it on the small of Kate's back.

The natural tension in her spine seems to loosen under his touch and he listens with a small smile as she exchanges a brief handshake with his doctor.

Milton goes on about the weather while he leads them down the short hallway into an office Rick has never seen for himself. He's been Milton's patient for the last five years, ever since the accident, and he likes the man, despite his excessive need for small talk.

Castle pauses at the door, offering Kate the seat near the entryway while he makes his way to the examination chair he always resides in during his visits.

The routine eye exam is uneventful, boring as always, and aside from the verbal step by step narration Milton gives him of his actions, Rick has little idea of what's actually going on around him. As usual.

"No headaches or discomfort in the eyes?" Milton asks and Rick shakes his head, hearing the click of what he recognizes as the penlight mere inches away. "Look up for me."

Castle glances to what he assumes is the ceiling and blinks at Milton's command.

"Still no light perception, I'm guessing?"

"Nope," Castle answers. Milton asks the same questions every year during the brief exam, checking to be sure there are no developing issues – tumors, glaucoma, increased pressure – and Rick is always grateful to pass without issue, but the consistent assurance of no change also tends to weigh him down.

The small, hopeful part that still exists deep inside of him secretly longs for change.

"Well, Mr. Castle," Dr. Milton murmurs after only a couple of minutes, retracting the magnification machine he used to get a better look at Rick's eyes from in front of his face. "As expected, there's no visible alterations and you seem to be doing just fine."

Castle nods, like the doctor said, that was expected, and he knows he shouldn't ask his next question. He asks every single visit and he can already feel Milton's hesitance as his lips form around the words.

"And no news on the stem cell therapy option? Or, you know, any options?"

Milton exhales and takes a seat on a stool that creaks under his weight and Castle already knows his answer.

"I'm sorry, I wish there was something, but unless there are new developments…" Milton's sentence trails and Castle can hear the gentle breath Kate releases from across the room. "You've done a great job of adapting over these last few years."

Castle swallows, forces another nod, and listens to Kate rising from the chair, the staccato of her heels making a slow rhythm that grows louder with each step closer to him.

"So I should finally just accept it then?" Castle surmises. "Accept that I really will never see again."

Milton sighs. "Mr. Castle-"

"Why did you even tell me about potential treatment options if I never had a chance with any of them?" he questions, clenching his fists, loosening them when Kate's hand curves over his shoulder. "You knew there was never going to be any sort of cure for me."

"Because I was hopeful, I _am _hopeful," Milton insists. "Science is evolving with each passing day, more and more procedures are coming to light, but I never meant to get your hopes up too high before something concrete was developed, and for that I apologize."

Castle hears the sincerity in the man's voice, but his chest is tight with frustration, with the agony of having what he wants most in this world forever held out of reach. He'll never see again and he thought he had accepted this a long time ago, but the fierce disappointment consuming his chest says otherwise.

He doesn't know how to accept it.

"I need some air."

Kate's already handing him his cane and curling her fingers at his arm, but he shakes her off once he has his footing, mutters a 'thank you' to Milton that he hopes doesn't sound too bitter, and storms – well, kind of – out of his office.

"Castle," Kate calls after him, quietly so not to disturb the peaceful waiting room, but he can't face her right now. Not yet. "Castle, wait," she murmurs, catching him by the arm before he can escape out the door. "Hey, talk to me."

"About?" he grumbles, rubbing at his eyes - his stupid, useless eyes.

She presses in closer, one of her hands curling at his chest, latching onto the fabric of his shirt. "Rick."

"I'm sorry," he chokes out, shaking his head and trying to swallow back the sorrow climbing up his throat. "You shouldn't have come. You never should have-"

"Castle, stop," she whispers, nudging him to the left, where he feels something cushioned at the backs of his knees. Kate lowers him down to the padded bench only a few steps from the front door and he accepts his defeat, settling down next to her.

She doesn't ask him what's wrong, doesn't ask him to elaborate on what has him so upset, but she does wrap her fingers at his nape, giving him the contact he always secretly, desperately craves from her. Though, he doubts it's much of a secret anymore.

"I won't ever see you," he finally breathes out. "I've always hoped I would be able to see Alexis again, my mother, but at least – at least I have pictures of them, images stored away in my mind, but you… you're not there, Kate. You'll never be there."

The whimper that catches in her throat is inaudible, but he's become skilled at hearing, honing what he now considers his most valuable sense over the last five years, and he deflates with guilt at the pained noise. It's unfair, so unfair of him, to burden her with this, to make her share his torment.

"You should go," he murmurs, blinking against the tears swimming along the corners of his eyes. "I – I'll be better in a few hours. Just need some time."

For a moment, there are only the muffled sounds of the medical office around them, silence from the woman at his side, but then her hands are at his neck, skimming upwards to cradle his jaw, angling him towards her. He doesn't expect her to lean into him, to brush her lips along his just before fusing their mouths in a kiss that has his every working sense going into overdrive.

Castle coils his fingers around her wrists, following the lines of bones that lead up her arms until his palms are at her shoulders, her collarbones, and then the sharp bones of her cheeks. She hums, caressing the skin beneath his jaw with her sweeping thumbs as she kisses his bottom lip before she slowly pulls away, her breath coming in short puffs that fan over his parted lips.

"I may not be there," she concedes, circling two of her fingers over his temple. "But I'm here, with you, and I think I'm here too," she adds, lowering her hand to his chest, pressing those same two fingers to his racing heart.

"You're definitely there," he nods, feeling the dark noose of despair loosening from around his heart when she laughs softly, smearing another kiss to his eager lips.

"You still want to go do some Christmas shopping for Alexis and Martha?" she murmurs, her thumb at his ear now, tracing the shell, and he smiles.

"Lead the way."


	5. Chapter 5

Kate walks home with him after their hectic day of gift shopping. He was jostled so many times, nearly knocked to the ground by shoppers in a frenzy to find the perfect gift before the holiday season can come to a close, and she nearly lost her temper, did some shoving of her own when a man with his eyes glued to a phone almost caused Castle to lose his cane in the middle of the mall they had ventured into.

_Down, girl_, Castle had teased, squeezing her hand and keeping her close through the swell of the crowd.

She huffs when Benny greets her as soon as Castle unlocks the door, jumping up to brace his paws on her waist, his tongue hanging from his mouth as he stares up at her with a warm welcome in his eyes.

"Benny, down," Castle sighs, bumping the dog gently with his cane until Benny lowers himself back to the hardwood floor. Kate rewards him with an affectionate scratch to the head. "He really likes you."

"Don't be jealous," she teases, eliciting an eye roll and a quirk of his lips. "Do we need to take him out?" Kate asks, juggling the bagful of presents cradled in her arm.

"No, Alexis was just here a few minutes ago and she had him at the park with her for the entire morning while she studied. He's good for a couple of hours," Castle assures her, stepping out of the way once he has his cane propped by the door and allowing her to move in from the entryway.

"Oh, wow," she breathes once she's able to venture deeper into his home. She was here about a week ago, watching a movie with him and his daughter on the couch, but it had yet to become a winter wonderland. Bright lights illuminate the entirety of the first floor, snowflakes hang from the ceiling while garland hangs from the windows, atop the fireplace, around the railing of the stairs. The door jingles when he shuts it, a classic toy train set circles the end table behind the couch, and she's counted at least three life sized Santas standing sentinel at every corner. But it's the Christmas tree standing tall in the living room, decorated from top to bottom with shimmering lights and ornaments – both traditional and personal – that captures her attention. "It's magical in here."

"I don't doubt it," Castle smiles, no sorrow in his voice this time, just pride. "Alexis decorates every year, ever since the accident. I hadn't wanted to even put forth the effort that first year, but she had refused to sacrifice her Christmas spirit."

Kate grins, but her heart clenches at the image of his daughter fighting to keep the holiday alive. She remembers what that was like; the only difference is that Alexis actually succeeded.

Kate blinks against the memories before he senses the burst of melancholy, and helps him haul the load of presents inside, following him to his room to deposit the gifts on his bed so he can take inventory.

He had found a piece of jewelry - a necklace with a price that had her eyes bulging from her sockets - that he claimed his mother had been coveting for months, along with a tasteful coat she had helped him choose. He had spoiled Alexis, finding her all of the latest editions of electronics, including the newest version of a Kindle to store her hundreds of eBooks on. Castle had insisted they share the credit on the second gift for his mother, but Kate had found a gift for Alexis that would be solely from her. He hadn't been able to see the simple gold pendant she knew was Alexis's style, but he had kissed her on the cheek while the clerk had rung it up for her, pressing his smile to her skin for a change.

But Christmas is only a week away and she had yet to decide what she wanted for Castle. She had tried to institute a 'no gifts' policy between the two of them a few days ago, but he had merely shrugged, murmuring "too late".

"What're you thinking so hard about?" Castle questions from the bed, where he sits sorting through the presents by touch. He had memorized the size and feel of each item in the store before he had made each purchase and she finds herself in quiet awe of him, of the ways he's adapted and how smart he is, how he doesn't even realize it.

"What to get you for Christmas," she confesses on a huff, plopping down next to him, causing the boxes scattered across his bed to shake.

"I told you I didn't want anything," he reminds her with a grin and she knows he means it, but she _wants _to get him something and she wants it to be special.

"Too bad," she grumbles. "Do you want to wrap these here or in the living room?"

He sighs and directs his gaze to the bed, as if assessing the gifts laid out across his stylish grey comforter. "Living room. Is the bag with the wrapping paper with you?"

"Left it at the door," she confirms and he nods, gathering up the gifts, shoving them back in the shopping bags, and lugging them into the lounge.

"What do you do for Christmas?" Castle asks as he takes a seat on the floor, right beside the glow of the Christmas tree and Kate curls her fingers a little too tightly around the bag containing the assortment of bows and rolls of festive wrapping paper.

"Work, usually," she replies, placing a hand on his shoulder before she folds her legs beneath her to sit comfortably beside him.

"You work on Christmas? What about Christmas traditions? What about your family?"

"I don't have family, okay?" she snaps, slamming the wrapping paper down between them and scraping a hand through her hair at the startled hurt seeping into his unfocused eyes. "I'm sorry, I just - my mom died when I was nineteen and my dad is… he couldn't handle it. Died of alcohol poisoning six years ago." She sighs, brushing her knuckles over his outer thigh in silent apology. "My traditions died with them."

She bites her bottom lip, feeling it starting to quiver. She never talks about her parents anymore, not to anyone but Burke during her monthly visits, but not to others. It hurts too much and she never handles the pity well, but Castle isn't looking at her with pity.

"You could spend Christmas with me," he murmurs, reaching out to cover her hand when she focuses all of her attention on laying out the tools they need for present wrapping – scissors, tape, the paper.

"I can't," she croaks, clearing her throat to rid her esophagus of the emotion stuck there. "I just - you don't need me here for that and we're not-"

"We're not what?" he interrupts, his eyes turning a steely shade of cobalt, his hand slowly easing away from hers, and oh, she needs to be careful. They're both guarded, both hardened by the tragedies of their pasts, and if she says the wrong thing, all of the progress they've made, all the work she's done to get past his walls while letting him chip away at her own will be lost.

"I don't know," she confesses. _So much for saying the right thing, Kate_. "Isn't Christmas a holiday you spend with people you…"

"Love?" he fills in, the shield in his eyes falling away, turning his irises a serene shade of cerulean.

"Yeah," she mumbles, twirling the coiled band of a sparkling red ribbon around her index finger.

"I care about you, Kate," he starts, his voice a soft, low husk that has her stomach sparking with inappropriate heat. "And it… it scares me probably just as much as it scares you, but I don't doubt I could love you."

Her heart skips at the mere possibility of it.

"But it's hardly been a month," she points out.

He only shrugs. "Is there really a timetable on how these things work?"

"I guess not," she admits, giving in and scooting closer to him on the soft carpet, resting her head on his shoulder.

Castle turns, pressing his lips to the crown of her head. "So, how cheesy would it be if I said all I wanted for Christmas is you?"

"Very," she scoffs, just like he wanted her to, and lifts her head to find him smiling down at her.

The tightness in her chest unravels and her own smile curls along her lips before she can stop it. She's never had a relationship like this, never been able to just dive in without overthinking every single word or action, but he's made it surprisingly easy. Her relationship with Will Sorenson lasted six months, the longest she's ever had, and she never even came close to what she has with Castle now after barely three weeks.

"Stop thinking," he murmurs, reaching out for the pile of presents, placing a box of headphones for Alexis in her lap. "We're okay."

"I know," she assures him, leaning forward to unroll the bright red and green paper in front of them and using the scissors to slice enough material from the cardboard roll for the box in her lap.

They work in silence for a few minutes, Castle allowing her to use his hands to hold down the paper while she tapes, but it isn't long before the words are dancing on her tongue, pushing past her lips without her consent.

"I have… I have the morning of Christmas Eve off," she announces, fiddling with the shiny red bow while he patiently waits for her to continue. "But the rest of the day and the day after, I'm already scheduled to work."

She holds her breath once the confession is out, still unsure if it was a good idea to share the information with him, but he covers one of her bent knees with his palm, squeezing.

"Christmas Eve morning with you it is then?"

Kate swallows, but nods, something like hope and excitement blooming in her chest. She's actually going to have a Christmas this year, and it's terrifying, but she wants it. For the first time since her mother's murder, since her father was buried in the ground beside her, she wants Christmas again.

"If you're doing a head gesture in lieu of a verbal answer, I can't see it," Castle reminds her and she laughs, a watery and cracking thing, while he lifts a hand to her face, tracing the papery skin beneath her eye with a reverent thumb.

"I was nodding," she tells him, grinning when his fingers skim her lips, his own quirking at the feel of her mouth upturned.

She abandons her attempt at wrapping Martha's gift and slides her arms around his torso, burrowing into his side, letting him hold her while she stares past him at the shine of Christmas tree.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and she can't help the way her eyes blur at the sincerity of his voice, the pain in it, how he aches for her as if the grief of her years alone is his own. "I'm so sorry for all of it, Kate."

The exhale trembles past her lips and his arms tighten around her, squeezing the sorrow from her frame while Benny crawls into Castle's lap, onto hers as well, lying across the two of them.

"Moment ruined," Castle sighs and Kate chuckles, sitting back and glancing down to the dog, watching in amusement as his tail wags, smacking Castle in the ribs. "I think I'm hindering him from exploring his true dream of being a lap dog."

"You hardly even use him for his trained purpose," Kate points out, stroking the top of Benny's head, absentmindedly fastening the bow meant for Martha's gift to his collar.

"Because he sends me running into things, and women apparently."

"I better be the only woman he's sent you smacking into," she warns, smirking at the sight of Castle trying and failing to maneuver the dog from his lap.

"Bumping gracefully," he corrects, finally managing to move Benny to sit behind him. She suppresses a giggle as the dog rolls to lie beneath the Christmas tree, sprawling over a bed of fallen pine needles. "And yes, you were the first and will likely be the last."

She bites her lip, because she knows he doesn't mean to crack open her chest with hammers of hope and fear alike.

"Besides," Castle carries on, feeling around for the tape again. "You do more guiding than he does these days."

"Seems to be working out pretty well, I think," she muses, plucking the already giftwrapped jewelry box containing Alexis' necklace from the pile and sliding it towards the tree.

"Oh, it's definitely working well for me." He grins triumphantly when she places the tape in his hand. "I'd follow you anywhere, Kate Beckett."

Beckett rolls her eyes but brushes a smile to his cheek, and then his mouth, nonetheless. There is definitely a chance she could love Richard Castle and it doesn't even scare her anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is such a bad idea," he grumbles, listening to her chuckling beneath him while she secures the ties of his skates. "Taking the blind guy ice skating is a _bad_ idea, Beckett."

"Don't be a baby," she scolds, but he can hear the smile in her voice as she stands and clasps his hands in hers. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"I have trust in your protective skills, it's the other skaters I'm worried about," Castle huffs, allowing her to guide him towards the ice rink.

The last time he went ice skating was when Alexis was ten. They had gone to the Rockefeller Center around Christmastime, a day just like today, and he still remembers how easily his daughter had caught on to the sport, skating through the rink with balance and grace. He had never possessed such talent and he doubts his lack of sight will help his already established clumsiness on the ice.

Kate had planned this date a couple of days ago in his living room while they were wrapping presents for his family and discussing the latest case she was working on, eventually weaving in tales and fond memories of Christmases with family to lighten the conversation. She used to come ice skating with her parents every year, right up until her mother's death, and when she had suggested the idea, there was no way he could have told her no. He had even been looking forward to it, but not anymore, not as he wobbles on the skates while Kate takes her time to escort him away from the bench and towards the rink.

"Just don't let go of my hands," she says, her voice calm and soothing, almost lulling him into a false sense of safety, but when he steps onto the ice and his balance starts to dissolve, all ideas of security vanish and panic clutches like a fist in his chest. "Castle, hey, you're okay."

She's trying not to laugh, he can hear it caught in her chest, and at least someone is enjoying themselves here.

He's clinging too tightly to her arms, likely bruising the porcelain skin of her biceps, but he doesn't want to fall, doesn't want to get trampled – no, _sliced _– by the blades he can hear skidding by. He doesn't want to embarrass her.

It's been a while since he's fallen. In the first couple of months after his accident, he took quite a few tumbles, the permanent darkness throwing off his balance, his sense of direction, everything. It had made him feel like a fool, a bumbling idiot who couldn't even walk to the bathroom by himself, and he'd rather not relive that.

"If you fall, I fall with you," Kate murmurs, her fingers climbing up his forearms to curl around his elbows, drawing him in closer. He flinches again at the sharp sound of blades on ice, at the swift rush of a skater flying by, and his chest coils tight, his heart trapped and confined by the caving bones of his sternum.

"Castle," she calls, managing to lift a hand to his face, drawing his attention to her touch. She's good at that, already so good at bringing him back when he begins to drift too deep into the darkness. "Breathe for me, babe."

"Tell me what it looks like," he gets out, zeroing his focus in on the sweep of her thumb over the unshaven skin of his jaw. "Describe it for me."

"Can you hear the Christmas music?" she murmurs, not even hesitating, sliding her fingers up to his ear and curving them over the chilled shell.

Castle swallows and listens for the first time to anything but the deafening noise of those around him. _Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas _floats through the air, the familiar melody drowning out the chaos for a moment and he lets the soft music wrap around him.

"You and I are still near the entrance of the rink," Kate's voice cuts through. "Right next to the railing, can you feel it?"

He squares his jaw, but extends one of his hands towards the side he expects the safety rail to be lining, and sure enough, he's met with a sturdy metal bannister beneath his gloved hand.

"The main Christmas tree isn't lit since it's daylight right now, but the red ornaments are bright, round, and they stand out against the evergreen." He can remember the Christmas tree kept at the head of the rink, behind the fountain and the Atlas statue. It's beautiful at night, a beacon of brilliant light in the darkness, and still a comforting sentry spreading holiday cheer during the day. "The sun is out, hitting the Atlas statue, making the gold shimmer in the light, making the ice shine." Just listening to her voice has him breathing easier, has warmth spreading back through his tense limbs and rigid muscles, and hearing her describe the area for him, putting the image so clearly in his mind, has his panic receding. "There aren't too many people here considering the time of year, but I promise you, Castle, I won't let anyone run into you or knock you down," she murmurs and he finds himself believing her.

This is one hell of a trust exercise, but -

"I trust you," he sighs, abandoning his hold on the rail and allowing her to take his hand again.

She goes slowly, giving him the opportunity to adjust to the slick surface beneath his feet and establish a stable rhythm with her. It takes a few trips around the edge of the rink for him to accomplish anything more than an unsteady wobbling, but eventually, Kate picks up their pace, allowing more distance between them so that he's only holding to her hands, and then he's skating with her.

"Look at you," Kate praises, laughing at the glee he can feel spreading at his lips as he glides slowly but steadily across the ice.

Until he loses his footing and goes crashing to the ground, bringing Kate with him. But to his own surprise, the shame of falling doesn't spread through him like it once did nearly five years ago. Instead, laughter fills his chest, shaking Kate, who landed sprawled across him and joins in with her own peel of amusement that she buries against his lips.

"See, I told you, Castle," she murmurs against his cheek before sitting up and tugging him along with her. "We fall together."

* * *

><p>By the end of the day, he still isn't a great skater, he still falls once or twice every hour, but Kate doesn't have to hold his hand to keep him upright. She stays close, always a warm presence in front of him or at his side, but no longer needing to lead him.<p>

"The lights are coming on," she murmurs at his ear, carefully looping her arm through his elbow so not to jostle him while they circle the rink together. "Red and gold lights on the largest tree, multicolored on the ones lining the rink."

"Does it look as magical as the loft?" he grins, wishing he could see her under the glow of the Christmas lights. He wonders if her nose is red from the bite of the cold, if her cheeks are full and aching from all the laughter they've shared through the last four hours, if her smile rivals the brightness of the holiday lights.

"Hard to say," she decides, slowing them when they approach the exit. "They're both pretty magical in their own way."

His body comes alive with soreness that is sure to grow in the next few hours when he sits down next to Kate on the bench near the rink's entrance. She hands him his boots, but he pauses for a moment, listening to her untie her skates.

"What color are your skates?" he asks, suddenly curious, thirsty for another picture, to continue seeing the world through her eyes.

"Neon green," she informs him, a smirk curling around her voice that has him grinning.

"Oh, what I would not give to see you in those."

"I will have you know that I happen to be wearing the most awesome pair of skates in the entire rink."

"The woman with the neon skates leading the blind guy around the ice rink of Rockefeller Center. We deserve a spot in the paper," he chuckles and she smacks his arm for it, but he can feel her own amusement dancing along with his.

"What are you wearing?" he decides to continue.

"There are children around, Castle."

He gasps. "Katherine Beckett. That was _not _what I meant."

"You want to know what I wore to come skating with you today?" she reiterates, quizzically, and he shrugs. "Why?"

"You know why," he informs her and listens to her sigh, light and airy before she begins to talk.

"Jeans, a dark blue sweater, tan trench coat, a cream scarf, and a red hat."

Castle reaches forward, finding his mark of the beanie on the top of her head. "All combined with the skates? You must look adorable."

"Castle," she huffs, elbowing him in the side.

Kate is faceless in his mind, for the most part. He can imagine her eyes, her smile, her hair, even her silhouette, but there's no way to put them together without the picture coming out all wrong. He's become okay with it though, having pieces of her. It's better than nothing at all.

"Do you need help?" she prompts when he continues to simply stare in her direction, still wearing his skates, and he quickly shakes his head.

"No, but Kate, I - thank you for this," he murmurs, slipping the gloves from his hands, raising one to her cheek, feeling it lift beneath his palm. "I didn't think I could ever… you've changed everything for me."

"Shh, Castle," she breathes, moving in closer to his side, dropping her forehead to his. "Don't get all sappy on me."

"No one's ever tried so hard for me," he admits anyway, the hand at her cheek venturing into her hair, cradling the back of her skull. "Not even when I could see."

Her nose bumps against his and his eyes flutter closed, the breath she releases fanning out over his lips just before she kisses him. Her lips are dry, a little chapped from the cold, and she tastes of the hot chocolate they shared earlier during their brief break from the rink, her tongue bursting with the flavor of peppermint as she slips past the barrier of his lips, delving into the warm cove of his mouth, and he pulls her in closer, sips from the sweet well of her lips.

Kate moans quietly when he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, attending to the tender flesh with reverence before doing the same to her upper lip, losing himself in the all consuming sensation of kissing her until she breaks away with a sigh.

"I love you," she confesses on a breathless whisper and his heart is thumping so loud in his chest, he's almost afraid he heard her wrong. But her lips are curling against his, their eyelashes tangling, and she says it again. "I love you, Castle."

His stomach drops out like it did back on the ice, that sensation of falling and flying hitting him all at once, and he skims his thumb along the corner of her eye, feeling the subtle lines of creased skin from her smile.

"I thought - I thought you said it was too soon."

"I thought you said there wasn't a timetable for these things," she counters, her voice light, playful. Happy. "And maybe it is too soon, maybe I should have waited a little longer." He feels her shrug. "But I know how I feel and I'm in this. I'm in love with you."

He doesn't think he's ever heard her sound so confident and for the second time that day, he finds himself trusting her wholeheartedly, believing every word she says.

He stopped wearing his heart on his sleeve after he lost the ability to see, so he thought, but he thinks Kate Beckett stole the fragile thing the day his dog rammed him into her in his favorite coffee shop. And already, he loves this woman with an intensity he's never felt before, the certainty of it streaming through his veins, leaving no room for the doubt that once existed and coursed so strongly through his system. It doesn't matter if it's only been a month, doesn't matter if this is only the beginning, doesn't matter if they crash and burn in the end or last a lifetime. Doesn't matter that he can't see her.

She feels like forever.

"I'm in love with you too," he murmurs and wow, he thinks her smile must be bursting across her face, stretching so wide and full across her cheeks. Probably the most beautiful sight.

"Then kiss me again," she commands.

He doesn't hesitate.


	7. Chapter 7

"Nice place," Castle murmurs after she's unlocked the door and led him inside her apartment.

He's convinced that he's become accustomed to the nonexistent sound of her eye roll, pictures the rich hazel irises and the thick curtain of lashes fluttering with the action as she takes his skates from his shoulder, setting them somewhere near the entryway with hers. It's his first time in her home and he can feel her dominating the space, the essence of her radiating from the walls and welcoming him in.

"It's different from yours," she hints, unzipping her boots, toeing them off near the front door and he decides to abandon his cane in favor of her guiding hand. "More earthy, bohemian. Or at least that's how my friend Lanie describes it."

"Smells like you," he shrugs, and wow, that sounds creepy, even to him, but Kate knows how heavily he relies on his other senses. He's come to associate her with the cherry flavor of her shampoo, the vanilla spice of her perfume, and the space of her apartment is flooded with the combination, along with subtle hint of pine.

"Do you have a Christmas tree up?" he wonders while she leads him across a hardwood floor that creaks, directing him onto a stool that sits in front of an island.

She hesitates, inhaling a little too sharply for such a simple question. "No, I don't decorate."

"Must be a candle," he decides, cocking his head in curiosity at the relieved breath of laughter that leaves her lips.

"I almost forgot," she explains, placing something in front of him, and he outlines the shape of the water bottle with his hands before unscrewing the cap. "I didn't realize you were going by scent."

"Almost forgot I was blind, Beckett? I don't know whether to be flattered or concerned," he muses, taking a sip of the water while she huffs. "Just don't forget when we're in the middle of traffic or something, okay?"

He doesn't startle anymore when she presses her smile to his cheek to share her amusement, her happiness, with him. Touch has become such a vital piece of their relationship, and for someone who's proven to be somewhat closed off due to her past, he's always pleasantly surprised with her openness towards the form of communication she indulges in far more often than he does.

Castle slides an arm around her waist, turning towards her on the stool so that she's standing between his knees.

"Can I ask why you don't decorate?" he murmurs, treading lightly. There's a story behind her apprehension when he asked about the tree, something deeper than the death of her parents, and he craves to know all of her stories, to know every piece of her, but he doesn't want to push too hard either.

There's still a delicacy to them, to how they work and how they communicate. Yes, she loves him, and he definitely loves her back, but that's the easy part.

Kate doesn't pull away like he had anticipated, but her smile against his cheek does fade into a frown.

"My mom," she mumbles, lifting her head, but staying in the circle of his arm. "She was always the one who loved the holidays, the decorating, and I haven't really liked Christmas ever since." His heart is already sinking, just as it had the first time she told him about her mother, but before he can respond, Kate curls one of her hands over his bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze before continuing. "I wasn't completely honest with you, Castle," she sighs and he braces himself. "My mom, she didn't just die, she was murdered, stabbed to death in an alley."

Her voice is like steel, threaded with vulnerability, with pain, and it's like a sucker punch straight to the gut. And it doesn't sound like she's finished.

"They attributed it to gang violence. A random, wayward event that they packaged up nicely," she mutters, voice bitter, black like coffee and cold like ice. "The killer was never caught. The entire reason I became a cop, and the killer still hasn't been caught."

Castle touches her arm, curving his palm over the sharp bones of her wrist covered by the watch. He hadn't noticed at first, but he can tell it's a man's watch now, large and bulkier than the dainty pieces his mother and daughter have worn, and she lifts her index finger to brush the side of his hand.

"My dad's," she explains. "It was a birthday present from my mother. He never took it off, wore it until the day he died. And this…" She steals his hand from her wrist, lifting it between them until his knuckles graze one of her collarbones and she's placing a necklace in his hand. "Was my mom's."

Castle trails his fingertips over the chain, the back of his hand skimming the skin of her chest, and traces his thumb over the ring hanging from the metal, smooth and warm, embedded with modest jewels in the middle.

"For the lives that I lost," she murmurs and he follows the line of the chain up to the nape of her neck, curling his hand there to will her closer.

Kate steps into him, allows him to cradle her body against his chest while he reminds himself to breathe normally for her sake, but he can't help the ache for her that beats through his sternum, crashing hard against the cage of his ribs for the albatrosses that hang around her neck and circle her wrist, chaining her to the grief of loss.

"You'll find them," he breathes, holding her tighter when she shakes her head. "You'll find the people who did this, Kate. You'll find justice for her, for both of them."

"How?" she chokes out, digging her nails into his lower back. "I'm not - I've let her down, Castle. I spent so many years trying to close her case and I've gotten nowhere. It just - destroyed me."

Oh, his heart is actually cracking under the broken quality of her voice. He always knew that there was something she was holding back, something deep and dark that added the tint of sorrow he sometimes heard in her voice or tasted on her lips, but he couldn't have imagined something as horrible, as unfair, as this.

"I believe in fate, the universe, karma," he admits. "I believe that most people eventually get what they deserve and those people who murdered your mother, they won't get away with it, Kate. They can't."

She breaks free of his arms at that, stepping back from his embrace, incredulous anger radiating from her trembling body.

"Then how do you explain what happened to you, Castle?" she demands, still torn apart with the agony of her confession. "How is that fair? How is it fair that your sight was taken, huh?"

Rick swallows, but doesn't waver. He's asked himself the same questions, wallowed in the why's for an entire year, he still doesn't have the perfect answers, but now more than ever, he's come to find the good his situation has brought him.

"If I was still the man I was before the explosion, my relationship with my daughter would still be strained," he starts, remembering how Alexis once used to avoid him, sometimes even glaring at him from the top of the stairs when he would come home drunk and foolish from yet another party. "I would have kept forcing myself to write characters I'd lost passion for a long time ago. I wouldn't have met you, because I know the man I was before wouldn't have been someone you wanted. And no, it wasn't fair and I would still give anything to see, but maybe… maybe it was what I needed in some twisted way." She's silent, but he notes that the anger he felt only moments ago has faded and that gives him hope, as well as the courage to carry on. "But solving your mother's murder and my loss of sight are two very different things. You _will _catch the sons of bitches who did this because you're strong, you don't back down, you're… you're extraordinary, Kate. And you deserve closure."

"What about what you deserve?" she rasps, but he only shrugs, a smile claiming his lips.

"I have a beautiful daughter, a loving, albeit crazy, mother-" She chokes on a laugh and Castle leans forward, catching the belt loop of her jeans with his fingers, using the loop of fabric to reel her in. "I have a nice home, a nice life, and I have you. I have more than I could ever ask for, Kate."

He feels her shift closer, the tip of her nose just barely kissing his. "I believe you were always a good man, Rick. Even before the accident."

"If you knew me then, you would have wanted to arrest me," he mutters, smoothing his hands along her waist as she rumbles with gentle laughter.

"Probably," she muses, scratching her nails along the light stubble peppering his jaw. "But I would have found out eventually what was underneath the jackass persona."

Rick raises a hand to his chest between them, leaning back from her. "Excuse me, _jackass_?"

"There was always a reason I never watched your interviews or read the articles about you in Page Six," she informs him and he gasps, the hand at his chest clutching the fabric of his sweater.

"You wound me."

"You know I'm right," she hums, touching her lips to his cheek and the concern that had formed around his heart steadily evaporates under the stretch of her smile against his skin.

He shrugs. "Perhaps."

Kate lowers her head to his shoulder, resting there, and he trails a hand down her spine, smoothing the tension from her back as she sighs.

"It's getting late," she mumbles into the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. "We should-"

"Come home with me."

She straightens in his arms, but he only tightens his hold.

"Not like that – well, if you _wanted _it to be like that-"

"Castle," she murmurs and he nods, feeling his ears go pink, knowing she's taken notice when her cool fingers brush over the heated cartilage.

Right, a point, he had one.

"I just meant, come have dinner with me and my family, watch a movie, and then just… stay." He shrugs, trying his best to make it casual. "I have a guest room and we could go over that case file you were telling me about," he adds, growing a little too hopeful, but he likes the idea of her in his home, loves the way she interacts with his daughter and allows his mother to dote on her. Even loves how much the dog adores her. She just… fits so well in his home, his life. "I just don't want to say goodbye, Kate. That's all."

She's quiet for a moment, contemplative, but then she finds his hands at her waist and tugs him up from the barstool.

"Okay," she murmurs. "Let - let me pack a bag and then I'll take you home, and I'll stay."

He squeezes her hip, trying to conceal his excitement behind pursed lips. "Okay."

* * *

><p>Benny greets them with a bark and Alexis with sound of surprise when they walk through the front door of the loft, her overnight bag in Castle's hand. His mother, of course, sings with joy at the sight of Kate, embracing the woman at his side in a hug that spins her around and draws a startled laugh from her lips.<p>

"Just like Benny," he sighs, taking her coat and dropping her bag next to the couch for the meantime. "More excited to see my woman than me."

"Not your woman, Castle," she scoffs, playfully pinching his cheek when he pouts. "And I see where you get your dramatics."

"I thought I was endearing," he protests, using his cane to scan the floor for any strays shoes or dog toys, propping it near the coat closet when he deems it safe.

"It fluctuates," she muses, tucking her fingers into the crook of his elbow while they gravitate towards the living room and the sounds of a Christmas classic on the television.

"Ooh, say that again."

Kate chuckles, a dark, delicious little noise. "Big words turn you on?"

"I'm a writer, this surprises you?"

"Mm, I'll keep that in mind."

Heat spills through his blood, no longer an unusual feeling where Kate Beckett is involved, and she must know, must sense the sudden charge in the air between them, because she squeezes his arm as if to remind him that his mother and daughter are chatting in the living room just a few feet away.

They order Chinese for dinner, converging on the couch to eat and settle in with a movie Alexis has saved on the DVR. His mother, daughter, and Kate fall into discussion about Alexis' latest internship starting in January. She told him about the job last night, nerves and excitement rattling through her voice. He's so proud of his daughter, of her drive and intelligence, but sometimes he worries that his blindness is the only thing pushing her to enter a field of medicine, to search for a cure for those like him who can no longer see.

He's sometimes afraid that he caused his little girl to push her own dreams aside and grow up far too quickly.

But as she talks with Kate about the details of her future training, he can hear the passion alive and thrumming through her words, and maybe he is the reason she's pursuing optometry, but he thinks even so, Alexis was always meant to help people, to change the world.

His mother retires to her room halfway through the movie he's failed to identify, focusing instead on his tablet, trying to master a new game of Angry Birds. He's almost got it, judging his efforts by the game's sound effects, but when Kate begins to go slack against his side, her cheek resting a little too heavily on his shoulder, he finishes up the level and decides that even though it's only nine, they're both ready for bed.

Which he's so grateful for because after a day of ice skating, and falling on his ass, his body is killing him and he yearns for his memory foam mattress.

"Wow," she murmurs when he leads her up to the guest room, showing off a bit by leaving his cane downstairs. He's grown to learn the routes of his home without much issue and was able to get around the space without assistance after his first year without sight.

"Will it be okay?" he asks, shifting in the doorway, listening to her light duffel hit the bed. "If you'd be more comfortable in my room, I could sleep up here, or-"

"Castle, shush," she chuckles, her arms suddenly around his waist, her lower body brushing his, eliciting frissons of electricity. "I'll be fine here."

"If you're not, you know where to find me," he murmurs, lowering his lips to her forehead.

He wishes her a goodnight, keeping the kiss they share brief even when her tongue traces the seam of his lips. The crackle of a connection has always existed between them, steadily growing stronger the more time he spends with her, but tonight doesn't yet feel like the right time to set fire to the spark.

Alexis meets him on the stairs, gripping him in a quick hug on her way to her room, Benny trotting happily behind her - he swears that dog is more hers than his own – and reminds him she won't be around tomorrow morning. She has a breakfast date with that new boy she met at the bad poetry slam, _Max, _and he reminds her that sooner or later he's meeting this bad poet. Castle receives a scoff and what he's sure is a Beckett worthy eye roll before he hears Alexis' door close.

He maneuvers the rest of the way through the loft on his own, taking a detour in his office to check his laptop for any important emails – learning he has more from Gina than he would like when his laptop reads them off – before finally entering his bedroom. He strips down to his t-shirt and boxers, tossing his jeans and button down into the hamper near the bathroom he enters to brush his teeth.

He's only just turned out the lamp on his nightstand – habit – and slipped beneath the sheets of his bed when he hears the soft padding of footsteps in his office, and then the turning of the doorknob.

"Something wrong with the guest room?"

"I was hoping you'd be asleep," Kate throws back on a huff, the door clicking shut and her footsteps heading towards his bed now. The mattress dips on his right side and he lifts the covers for her.

Kate slides in next to him, presses against his side, her lithe limbs and soft curves causing his blood to grow a little too warm, and rests her head to his chest, her cheek over his heart.

"You weren't there," she shrugs, trying to play her answer off as nonchalant, and no way is he letting that go, but her words are slurred with sleep and her body goes limp over him moments later.

Rick sighs and curves a hand over her shoulder, allowing the steady rhythm of her breathing to play like a lullaby in the quiet room, singing him to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning he wakes to her words against his skin.<p>

"Gotta go into work."

Castle reaches for her hand before she can leave and she appeases him, leaning over him in the bed, dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and what feels like a cashmere sweater that smells like a mixture of her perfume and laundry detergent.

"Time's it?" he yawns, curling his fingers at her denim covered thigh, listening in secret satisfaction as she sucks in a breath.

"Six-thirty. Shift starts at seven," Kate mumbles, trailing her nails at his back, the gentle scratching lulling him back towards a sweet slumber at this ungodly hour.

"Damn. Wanted to make you breakfast after your first night in Chez Castle," he sighs in disappointment and she laughs, the sound still hoarse with sleep.

"Make me breakfast next time."

"Next time?" he quips, quirking his brow, and she dips forward to press her lips to the corner of his eye.

Mm, he wishes she would stay, cuddle with him all morning. Maybe venture into something more than cuddling after awhile…

"I'll call you later today, okay?" she whispers, her lips at his temple now, one of her hands at his back, keeping her balanced above him, and he nods.

"Kick ass, but be safe," he tells her, a small smile on his mouth, and she pauses above him, causing him to wonder if he said something wrong, but then her mouth is on his, hard and wonderful.

"I'll do my best."

And then she's gone again.


	8. Chapter 8

She takes him to the precinct on the day before Christmas Eve – a present to him of sorts – and he practically skips through the building with the eagerness of a child.

It's later in the evening, Montgomery has gone home and only the boys are left in the bullpen to greet them. Ryan is immediately shaking Castle's hand, gushing about his books until Esposito not so subtly elbows him in the side. Her other colleague is far more strict, skeptical of Castle and his "intentions towards her", but then they start talking video games and comparing schedules for a night of Madden sometime after the holidays. She doesn't know _how _Rick manages to play video games, but she's intrigued to see him try.

The boys disappear after only a half hour, Ryan heading home to Jenny and Sarah Grace, Esposito heading down to the gym, and Kate takes Rick on the official tour. She knows he can only imagine her workplace, but excitement still seems to flood through his veins at the mere atmosphere of a real police station.

"This is so cool," he whispers while she leads him out of the break room, back to her desk. She chuckles when he plops down in her chair, spinning lazily with a grin on his face. "See, you don't even have to get me a Christmas present, Beckett. This is more than enough."

Kate rolls her eyes and he seems to know, sense it (as creepy as that is), and shoots her his usual smirk in return.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kate props her hip on her desk, nudging him with her knee to alert him to her positioning. "Go ahead."

"I know shadowing you is out of the questions for obvious reasons, but would it be possible you could help me with my next book?"

"Help?" she echoes, tampering down the skipping start of her heart, and he sits up in her chair, bumping their knees again.

"I already have the inspiration for the character. She's going to be smart, savvy, really good at her job-"

"What _is _her job?" she interjects and the grin that flirts along his lips is sly, amused, alluring.

"Already asking for spoilers?"

"I'm wondering why my help would be needed," she counters, crossing her arms, knowing he can already hear the light defense in her tone.

"Fine," he sighs. "She's going to be a detective. Homicide, just like you, but don't worry, nothing _too _similar," he assures her, instantly smothering the spark of uncertainty. "What I would need your help with is the police procedural type things, authenticity, you know? I did a lot of hands on research for Derrick Storm, to make it as real as I could, so I know certain things, but this character… she's going to be different. I want to do her story justice."

She nods, instantly berating herself when she remembers he can't see the action.

"I'd love to help in any way I can," she replies, taking his hands when he smiles and urging him to stand.

"You've already helped so much," he reveals, bouncing on the balls of his feet in front of her, but her brow furrows at his words.

"I have?"

Castle's hand rises to her face, his thumb skating across her lips.

"You made me want to write again, Kate. You're my inspiration."

The sincerity of his words has her puckering her lips to the thumb still hovering above her mouth before coaxing his hand from her face so she can drift in, cover his mouth with her own. They've yet to go any further than the heated makeout session they'd had on his couch last week while his daughter was out with her study group, but as Castle's body presses up against her, towers over her, her hips cant forward, the moan snagging in her throat, and she doesn't think she can wait anymore.

"Can we go back to my place?" she breathes, not even having to open her eyes to catch the hitch in his chest.

"You sure?"

Kate growls, jerks him forward by the hips so that their lower bodies clash. His eyes squeeze shut and he reaches for the cane propped up by her desk.

"Okay, yeah, we should definitely go back to your place," he decides, and she chuckles in his ear, nipping at the soft lobe, eliciting a low groan from deep within his chest.

Kate takes his free hand, ready to drag him along to the elevator, but his cane catches the corner of her desk, knocking his thigh hard into the corner, sending a picture frame and her elephant statues toppling over.

"Shit, are you okay?" she murmurs, fluttering her hand over his leg, but he waves her off.

"Fine. Is your desk okay? I heard something fall," he says, glancing back to the surface despite the fact that he can't see it.

"Just knocked a couple things over, you're fine," she promises, leaning past him to pick up the picture frame, rearrange her mom's elephants, but – something rattles when she touches the ceramic figurines.

The sound has her curious, but she figures the fall just loosened something. The elephants are hollowed out, so there's a chance a piece of the porcelain chipped and is now trapped inside. She'll check tomorrow, tonight she's too impatient to let Castle _feel _how much she wants him.

* * *

><p>Kate guides him into a room he's unfamiliar with, but when her fingers dance along the front of his shirt, unbuttoning until she can aid him in removing the fabric from his shoulders, he knows they're in her bedroom.<p>

Her hands span across his bare chest, the warmth of her palms eliciting bursts of heat that flare like sparks in the eternal darkness he lives with, and he reaches for the hem of her blouse, following the edges until he locates the first button. Her breathing picks up beneath the upward travel of his fingers, hitching when his knuckles graze the underside of her breast.

Her shirt hits the floor with a whisper and he can hear another article of clothing follow, knowing exactly what just fell away when she wraps her arms around him and seals their naked chests together.

"Kate," he groans, burying his face in her neck, tasting the heat of arousal on her skin.

Her fingers tangle in his hair and her spine arches when he explores the contours of her back, the blades of her shoulders, the expanding cage of her ribs with his hands. She moans, low and needy in his ear as he skims the waistband of her slacks.

"Castle," she breathes, his name reverberating through her chest onto his, and he carefully walks her backwards, lowering her gently to the bed when the backs of her knees encounter the barrier of the mattress.

He hasn't done this with anyone since the accident, but Kate doesn't seem to notice what he lacks in finesse while he undresses her, dragging him down with her and seeking his face with her hands, reclaiming his mouth. The sounds she makes are like a symphony that he dedicates to memory, taking note of every place that elicits a gasp, where to touch to evoke that sultry moan, the desperate whine.

But taking his time to learn the detailed map of her body is going to have to wait if Kate's impatience is any indication.

The growing heat of her bare skin, the stretch of her long limbs, are all pressing and moving against him, turning his veins into livewires, igniting flames that consume his flesh from the outside in, and he needs to see her. He needs to see the naked length of her body, the expression of bliss on her face, the color of those eyes he can never determine in the dark cavern of his mind. He wants to love her with eyes that will see.

"This is going to drive me crazy," he pants, outlining her body with his hands, feeling her writhe and arc beneath him, leaning down to catch the whimper on her lips. "I don't think I've ever needed to see you more."

"You don't need to see," she whispers, breathless but determined as her legs hook at his thighs, rolling them over. But he sits up only seconds after she's flipped him to his back, holding her in his lap, keeping the glorious press of her body as close as possible. "Just use touch," she mumbles in his ear, finding one of his hands at her bare waist, guiding it upwards to cup her breast. "Just touch me."

* * *

><p>Kate wakes the next morning with Richard Castle at her side, still in her bed, still deliciously nude.<p>

She grins, stretching in the soft light of the winter sun, and turns on her side to study him. Her fingers itch to trace his face, to flutter along the contours of bone and the smooth planes of skin, just as he so frequently does with her when he craves to read the expression she wears, but she doesn't want to wake him, not yet. She kept him up late after all, wore him out well into the early morning hours.

She eases a leg over his thigh, soaking up the warmth of his skin in the chilly apartment, and hums to herself in contentment. The blindfold she had worn last night during round three hangs from her bedpost, making the idea of going back to sleep impossible. It was a feat of trust to give up her sight, but it had been so invigorating to rely only on the sensation of touch, to have her connection with him strengthened and intensified. She knows he still struggles with the limitations of his blindness, but last night… last night he had proven what she's always known.

That it doesn't change anything for her, not in bed, not in life.

"You are thinking way too hard for this early in the morning," he yawns and Kate smiles, giddy with her own revelation.

"How do you know it's early?" she teases, finally giving into the urge to stroke her index finger along the sharp slope of his nose.

He blinks, crosses his eyes as if he can see the digit skating along his nose, and she laughs quietly, props herself up on an elbow to lean forward and peck the chapped skin of his lips.

"Body clock, Beckett," he shrugs, lifting a hand to sift through her tangled hair. "A few months after the accident, I started waking up at 5 a.m. like clockwork. So, tell me I'm wrong."

Her eyes dart to the phone on her nightstand, alight with a new text message from Lanie, and she catches the numbers atop the screen, bites her lip.

His lips spread into a grin that she smothers with her own, nipping his bottom lip and clenching her thighs around his so that he grunts beneath her.

"Usually, I just go back to sleep," he murmurs around the firm press of her mouth. "But I think this morning will be different."

Kate rolls her hips in affirmation and Castle hauls her close just before he flips her over, pinning her to the mattress, pressing her down, drawing out a beautiful riot of sensation. She curls her legs at his waist, tugging him down even as she arches up to meet the seal of his body over hers.

"Time for a new morning routine, Castle."


	9. Chapter 9

Once she finally forces him – and herself – out of her bed by nine that morning, they both get dressed and ready to head back to his loft. It's Christmas Eve and she doesn't want him away from his family for too long.

She has to be at work by noon and Castle had revealed the night before that he and Alexis had decided they were going to have a special 'Christmas Eve lunch' to celebrate, so she could celebrate a piece of Christmas with them. Just thinking about the gesture made her want to induce round five, but if they wanted to attend this lunch she knew his daughter was likely up and working on right now, they needed to leave her apartment already.

Castle steps into the bathroom after they've managed – with some difficulty – to get dressed and Kate slips open her nightstand drawer while she has the chance, finding his gift nestled safely inside and tucking it into her coat pocket, deep where he won't feel it if he nudges up against her.

They leave her apartment minutes later, forgoing a cab despite the harsh winter temperature to walk through the city, admiring the hints of the holiday scattered along the street. And even though he can't see the various decorations or the jubilance exuding from the young children that skip by like she can, she knows he can hear the Christmas music, the bell ringers for the Salvation Army stationed at nearly every corner. She can see how the mere atmosphere lights up his entire face while they trek through the icy sidewalks like lovers, behavior she can't even be ashamed of as she leans into his side, stealing kisses from his lips, and smiling like an idiot.

By the time they make it to his building in SoHo, he's practically glowing and it has her heart swelling, but her cheeks burning. Because he's making it look really obvious that he just got laid.

Alexis is in the kitchen when they walk through the door by ten, cooking something that smells delightful just as Kate had suspected. Castle takes her coat for her, hangs it beside his in the closet, eliciting a strange, pleasant flutter low in her stomach.

"Well, look who's doing the walk of shame," Alexis smirks once they come into view and Kate feels her cheeks heat once more at the knowing look in his daughter's eyes while she arranges a dish covered in cranberries and pecans.

"Alexis," Castle huffs, his own embarrassment filling his cheeks, and his daughter laughs, alight with amusement, and Kate feels her mortification disintegrate.

If Alexis approves of him spending the night at her place, committing to this relationship in a way that makes it all the more serious, than she can tease all she likes.

"_Anyway_," Kate chuckles, abandoning Castle's side to stroll up to his daughter's. Benny is already perched on one side of the girl, hoping for a stray piece of food to fall. "What have you got?"

"This is upside-down apple French toast with cranberries and pecans," Alexis explains and wow, his daughter could be a chef by the looks of it. "I figured we could sort of do a brunch. There's a spinach, mushroom, and cheese casserole on the table that I made last night, and the cookies should be done soon."

"Pumpkin, I said lunch, not a feast," Castle says, grinning while Alexis rolls her eyes and waves him off with a butter knife.

"I wanted to make it special since Kate can't come to dinner, besides Christmas always puts me in a cooking mood," his daughter shrugs, offering Kate a smile. "There's some other stuff on the table too, the more traditional dishes, just in case you don't like any of the new stuff I tried out, like this," she murmurs, pointing to the delectable looking French toast combo in front of her, and Kate shakes her head, wraps a loose arm around the girl's shoulders.

"It's perfect. Thank you," Kate assures her and Alexis immediately abandons her cooked creation to return Beckett's embrace.

"No, thank _you,_" his daughter whispers, giving her a knowing glance from beneath her lashes that Kate doesn't have to see twice to understand, squeezing the girl's shoulder in silent response.

* * *

><p>Brunch with Castle and his daughter is just as comfortable as she expected. She fills her plate with at least one serving from every dish Alexis made and Castle does the same, but still manages to steal at least four forkfuls of her cranberry covered toast.<p>

"Where's Martha?" Kate asks, guilt sparking in her gut at her failure to notice the older woman's lack of presence, but Martha is almost always away while Kate's over, dedicating her most valuable time to her acting school, and life coaching on the side apparently.

"She's Christmas Eve caroling all day long with her acting troupe," Castle informs her. "It's her most important, non-family tradition."

"She'll be home in time to open presents, Dad," Alexis placates as she rises from the table, taking her plate to the sink.

"Strict on traditions, Castle?" Kate teases, following suit and standing with her empty plate, grabbing Castle's as well on her way to the kitchen.

"No, I just like a little structure is all," he grumbles, but his lips are quirked while he eases from the dining room table.

Kate's phone chimes as she's giving her plate a quick rinse under the faucet and she worries her bottom lip between her teeth, lifting her eyes to see Castle already approaching.

"Time to go?" he murmurs, draping a hand at her hip while Alexis sidesteps them with a wink in Kate's direction and heads towards the living room, snatching the remote and settling down on the couch.

"Not yet, that sound was just a reminder I set so I could keep track of time," she explains, leaning into his side. "But do you think I could hand out my gifts early?" she asks, a bit shyly. She doesn't want to impose on any of his traditions and Martha isn't even here yet, but this is the closet thing to Christmas she's had in 15 years and she doesn't want to miss the potential magic of Castle opening her gift.

"Of course," he assures her quickly. "Meet you by the tree."

Kate grins and strolls back towards the coat closet, easing the door open to retrieve the neatly wrapped box from her pocket, smoothing out a small crinkle in the snowflake covered paper, and following him and his daughter to sit around the Christmas tree.

"Which presents are we opening?" Alexis queries, transferring from the couch to take a seat on the ottoman, Benny faithfully at her feet.

"Just mine," Kate assures her, watching Alexis's face constrict with sudden horror.

"I didn't get you anything," she whispers, a hand to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I didn't think-"

Kate strides up to stand in front of the girl and places two hands on her shoulders. "I didn't want anything. Welcoming me into your family has been more than enough, okay?"

Oh - oh no, his daughter's ice blue eyes are filling up with moisture and she hadn't meant to make her _cry. _But then Alexis's arms are around her waist, giving her a tight hug Kate can hardly return while Benny nuzzles her calf.

"I feel like I'm missing a very sweet moment over here," Castle whines and both women laugh, separating so Kate can make her way towards the presents scattered decoratively around the bottom of the tree. She plucks the smallest one from the stash, handing it to Alexis before lowering herself down beside Rick, placing the gift she's kept for him at her apartment in his hand.

"I told you I didn't need anything," he murmurs the reprimand and she leans in, coiling her fingers at the defined muscle of his bicep while she dusts her smile over his cheek.

"Too late," she smirks, eliciting a delighted spark in his eyes before they return to the present in his hand.

"Oh wow," Alexis exclaims from a few feet away, holding up the simple, golden pendant, allowing it to shimmer under the glow of the Christmas.

"You like it?" Kate hedges, covering Castle's hand with gratitude when it curls over her knee in reassurance. "I know it isn't much, but it seemed like your style, so-"

"No, no, I love it! It's perfect, thank you," Alexis beams, already latching the chain around her neck

"One down," Castle teases and Kate flicks his ear, biting her lip in anticipation as she watches him begin to unwrap the small box, tracing the lid with his thumb once the Christmas themed paper is gone.

"Don't let me drop anything or open it upside down," he warns and she chuckles, murmuring a promise while he finally flips the lid open.

There's a layer of tissue paper atop the soft cushioning the bottom of the box provides that he removes without trouble. The tingles of nerves and excitement swirl in her stomach when his fingers curl around the wristband of the watch, his brow furrowing in concentration as he eases it from its confines and studies the grey band, the silver plated face. His eyes widen once he comes across the strip of Braille in the middle, the disks that work as numbers to display the time.

"Whoa, that's so cool," Alexis murmurs, coming around to peer over Kate's shoulders and gain a better look. "It looks so futuristic."

Castle is still silent, caught up in his examination, but his eyes have softened into an expression of awe she recognizes and she breathes in relief.

"Yeah, it seemed right up your dad's alley," Kate chuckles. "The little disks, they rotate with the time so you can feel it change. But if you don't like it, we can go look at other versions or I can just return it and find you something-"

He interrupts her with the sweet press of his mouth, the strong curl of his arm at her shoulders tugging her into his side.

"I love you," he mumbles against her lips and her heart soars with the words. "I love you so much, Kate."

She kisses him back, knowing his daughter is watching but making sure he can taste the response on her lips.

"Love you too," she whispers, smiling and stroking her fingers down his jaw while his remain melded at her nape, brushing over her spine.

He beams at her, his eyes bursting with light and happiness, and he turns them back to the watch still in his hand, looking down at the unseen accessory with gratitude.

"Put it on me?"

Kate helps him adjust the watch on his wrist while he fiddles with the tiny knobs that control the disks, modifying the correct time, checking to be certain with a swipe of his thumb across the silver surface.

"How did you find this?" he asks once he's satisfied with his efforts.

"Lots of online searching," she admits, propping her chin on his shoulder, admiring the fit of the watch on his wrist. "There's an organization trying to improve the selection on these kinds of things for the blind."

"Finally," Alexis mutters, moving to plop onto the couch, patting the spot beside her, giving Benny the permission to join. "I bought him a special watch once, he hated it."

"Not true," Castle argues, holding up a finger in protest. "I appreciated the gesture and it was a nice watch, I assume, but it felt like a watch I should be wearing when I'm 70."

"He said I bought him an old man's watch and then proceeded to have a mini mid life crisis," Alexis corrects, smirking at Castle's baffled expression.

"It talked! I don't want a watch that talks to me!"

"I was fifteen! I was just trying to make you happy!"

"Alright, cool it, you two," Kate chuckles. "The talking watch is a thing of the past."

"But the scars it left me with are still very present."

Kate has to duck to miss the throw pillow Alexis chucks at him.

"Taking cheap shots at the blind guy," Castle huffs when the pillow smacks him in the chin. "I thought I raised you better than that."

The chime of Kate's phone interrupts Alexis's follow up remark and she sighs, already knowing it's her reminder that she needs to leave.

"Play hooky," Castle murmurs in her ear and she huffs a laugh, but shakes her head.

"Wish I could, but there's no wiggle room when it comes to Christmas shifts," Kate sighs, unfolding her legs from beneath her and standing up to stretch.

"Thanks again for the gift, Kate," Alexis says as she rises from the couch to hug her goodbye. "And for having lunch with us."

"It was a pleasure," Beckett replies, brushing a hand over Alexis's silk red hair before pulling away.

Castle walks her to the door, Benny trailing behind them, and she takes her time slipping her arms through the coat he holds out for her, stalling. She never thought she would enjoy Christmas again, not after her mother's death and especially not after her father's, but for the first time in too long, she wishes she hadn't signed up for the Christmas shift.

"Come back tonight, if you want to." His hand on her face is more than familiar now. The way he tracks lightly along her skin, her features, searching her expression with the tips of his fingers surprisingly comforting.

She doesn't expect him to place a key in her palm and her eyebrows hitch beneath his thumb at the cool brass in her hand.

"Now you won't have to knock and Benny won't have to wake the entire household to alert us of your arrival," he shrugs, smiling down at her a little nervously. She's only been offered a key by one other man and she still remembers the panic that had clawed through her chest, the overwhelming urge to run; she hadn't accepted that key to Will Sorenson's apartment.

But her fingers curl around Castle's.

"I'll see what I can do, but promise not to wait up for me," she urges under her breath. "I rarely ever make it home at a decent hour on Christmas Eve."

He sighs. "I promise, but I'll leave my bedroom door open, feel free to awaken me with a surprise ravishing."

"Eww, lower your voice, Dad," Alexis groans from the couch and Kate hides her laughter in his cheek.

"Again, I'll see what I can do. Now, go sit on the couch with Alexis and Benny and enjoy today's special airing of _It's A Wonderful Life._"

She smothers his pout with a kiss before pulling away to tuck the key safely into her coat pocket.

"Be safe," he whispers and she turns her face into the palm still residing at her cheek, pressing her lips to the soft skin.

"I'll do my best. Enjoy dinner with your family."

"I'll try," he mumbles on an exaggerated exhale, opening the door for her, and she's almost tempted to find a way to stay, to be part of a family again.

She smears one last smile to his cheek and hurries down the hall before she's late instead.

* * *

><p>Her shift ended at nine, but by then, she was buried in a homicide investigation that takes another three hours. By midnight, she's dead on her feet and ordered out of the precinct by Montgomery, who isn't even supposed to be there himself. Too tired to argue, she gathers her things, shrugs on her coat, and exits the Twelfth with a foreign sense of relief.<p>

Kate hadn't planned to return to the loft, but finds herself driving there on autopilot, parking her Crown Vic on his street, and greeting Vincent the doorman with a tired smile. She inserts her key in his door and slips soundlessly inside the darkened loft at one a.m.

She doesn't bother with hanging her coat in the closet, dropping it to the armchair instead while her feet drag her through his office, to the cracked door of his bedroom. Kate feels her heart soften at the open door, remembering his words from earlier but never actually expecting him to act on the courtesy, and pushes it open the rest of the way. Castle's asleep, thankfully; his face smashed into the pillow, his arm extended over the empty side of the bed, and she takes it as invitation.

She sheds her work clothes and rummages through his bureau for one of his t-shirts, and then she's sliding into his bed, slipping under his sheets, under that outstretched arm, and curling up against the warmth of his side.

"Kate?" he slurs, opening his eyes to her, squinting through the darkness, and she hums, combs a hand through his hair.

"Go back to sleep," she whispers and he nods, using the arm around her to draw her in closer as he shifts on his side.

She smiles into his chest as he snuggles her close and drapes a thigh over her leg. If she wasn't so exhausted, she would roll them over, spend some proper time in his bed, but having the shell of his body around her, eradicating the winter chill from her bones and embracing her in the sheer sense of home, is just as satisfactory.

"Merry Christmas, Kate," he mumbles, drifting back to sleep again, and she sighs, drops a kiss to the hollow of his throat.

"Merry Christmas, Castle."


	10. Chapter 10

She had only been allowed a few minutes with Castle on Christmas morning before she was tiptoeing out of his loft in the early light of day to make it back to her apartment in time to change for work. Her day goes by surprisingly fast for a change, though, the whirlwind of wrapping up yesterday's murder of a man dressed as Santa who was strangled to death by one of his own elves (Castle is going to_ love_ this one) taking up the majority of her time and at this rate, she may actually be able to surprise him and return to the loft in time for Christmas dinner.

She's sitting at her desk by five, filling out the last of the paperwork, when something catches her eye.

The elephants. She had forgotten all about them.

Kate glances from the statues to her nearly finished paperwork and sets down her pen, reaching for the family of figurines instead. Shaking them, she can hear the same rattling sound she remembers from the night Castle accidently sent them toppling. With a furrowed brow, she pries open the back of the last elephant, the one her mom always said represented her.

_They're a family, Katie. Just like us._

The colorful top pops and something falls free from the confines of the elephant's body, clattering onto the surface of her desk. Kate puts the elephants down and retrieves the tape, studying it for a sign, a label.

"Yo Beckett, what'cha got?"

Esposito is peering curiously at her from his desk across the bullpen. Ryan is off with his family, leaving them a team member short, but she doesn't doubt her other colleague would be giving her the same peculiar look right now as she stares confused at the cassette in her hand.

"Do you have a tape player by any chance?" she asks instead.

"No," Esposito scoffs. "But Montgomery does. Seen it in his office once."

Kate rises from her desk, tape clutched in her fist, and strides towards her captain's office. Roy is out for the day, enjoying the holiday with Evelyn and the kids, but she has access to his office for emergency purposes and she finds the tape player in the middle drawer of his unlocked desk.

Montgomery always jokes that she'll take his place soon, that he couldn't imagine passing down his spot as captain to anyone else, but as she sits at his desk and slips the tape in its player, the idea still fails to sit well with her.

For a moment, at her captain's desk with the cassette player in her lap, she hesitates. Her stomach is knotted with nerves, dread climbing her spine. She doesn't know what's on this tape, but if it was in those elephants, it likely belonged to her mother, and she already knows with sinking certainty, that this can't be anything good.

She presses play.

* * *

><p>She hadn't planned to spend Christmas with Castle and his family, but after the catastrophe at the precinct, after she had watched the arrests take place, after she had been notified of Bracken's containment, after she had spent nearly twenty minutes fighting off a panic attack in the women's bathroom, she couldn't just go home. The thought of returning to her empty apartment had left her nauseated and she had ended up wandering through the city, already knowing where she would end up.<p>

She knocks on his door before she can think better of it, hoping with everything she has that it will be him who answers, not his sweet daughter or his welcoming mother. She needs _him_.

The door swings open and she ducks her head out of reflex.

"Kate?"

_Thank god._

"How do you always know it's me?" she chuckles, still wiping at her eyes, but the moisture just keeps leaking out.

"I can hear your heels and I know your scent, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Castle murmurs, abandoning the door and stepping out into the hall until he can reach her.

His hand is immediately at her face, his palm cupping her jaw with practiced ease, his thumb skimming beneath her eye, catching a fresh set of tears.

"Kate."

She steps into him before the sobs can breach the barrier of her lips, burying her face in the warmth of his sweater, curling into his embrace when his arms band around her shuddering frame.

"The tape," she chokes out against the hollow of his throat. "When you knocked over my elephants, you loosened one of the compartments. There was a tape."

"A tape," he echoes, keeping her steady with an arm at her waist, calming her with the stroke of his fingers through her snow-dampened hair.

"A taped confession. Hidden in the elephants on my desk. The man who killed my mother, Rick. It's all there."

He tenses against her, the arm around her tightening, and her sobs cannot be contained any longer.

* * *

><p>Alexis and Martha pretended not to have heard a word said in the open doorway of the loft, pretended not to notice her red rimed eyes and mascara stained cheeks, but they both squeezed her extra tight when they welcomed her inside with their usual hugs of greeting. Castle had fed her leftovers from their Christmas dinner, Martha had poured her a glass of their best wine, and Alexis had made her laugh with her show of Benny and his array of Christmas sweaters, and it had been nice. It was unquestionably the best Christmas she had experienced in years, and it subdued the confusing swirl of agony overwhelming her chest.<p>

She had never told Castle the whole story about her mother's case, not every heart wrenching detail, but after his daughter retired to her room, he had wrapped her in his arms, held her while the dam restricting the tears splintered once more and soaked his shirt for the second time.

He knows it all now. And she's still shell-shocked, still numbed from the betrayal of her captain, who had been a part of the conspiracy the entire time, and the final uncovering of the truth she had sought for so many years, but with Castle at her side, she finally feels that she can breathe again.

She decides to stay when he offers her an extra pair of clothes from his bureau to sleep in. They end up coming off mere minutes later at her insistence, but his skin against hers is enough to keep her warm underneath the familiar Egyptian cotton of his sheets.

"You okay?" he murmurs afterwards, combing his fingers through her hair, grazing his hand along the ladder of her spine.

She nods, knowing he can feel the action on the pillow they share, and he sweeps his hand up the naked skin of her back, following the trail of her vertebrae until he reaches her neck and can brush his thumb along the sensitive spot behind her ear.

"It just feels… surreal," she confesses, coiling her fingers at the wrist near her jaw, turning her head to smear a kiss to the beat of his pulse. "I had started to believe I would never get justice for her and now the man who had her and so many others murdered is going to prison."

"Christmas miracle?" he murmurs and she relishes the grin that spreads over her lips. The real miracle here is that she's smiling when without him, she thinks she would be curled up in her empty bed, hollowed out and raw.

Kate sighs and eases one of her knees between his as she pushes in closer, resting her forehead to the ridge of his collarbone.

"No, just you," she points out. "I wouldn't have found it without you."

"Kate," he says her name like a reprimand, but tightens the arm snaking around her back. "I didn't have any part in this. It was all you."

"Maybe it was fate," she quips and his brow creases adorably.

"You don't believe in fate."

"I believe in whatever brought me to you," she mumbles into the tender spot beneath his jaw.

"You believe in Benny."

Her own burst of laughter startles her and Castle grins, so proud of himself, and she has to muffle her mirth with his mouth, bury it in the welcome press of his lips

"Oh, your gift!" he says suddenly, pecking her lips one last time before jerking upright in the bed, snagging his boxers from the floor on his first try and jogging out of the bedroom, into his office without trouble.

Kate leans over the edge of his side of the bed, steals his sweater from the ground as he rummages through his desk, sliding the soft fabric that smells like him over her head while she waits for him to return.

Castle comes trotting back to the bed with a wrapped box in his hand, a shiny red bow adorning the top. He hands her the present with an excited grin and then crawls in beside her, frowning when he sidles up next to her.

"You put clothes on?" he groans, dropping his forehead to her shoulder and she laughs quietly, turning to press her lips to the top of his head.

"It's your shirt, if that's any consolation," she murmurs into his hair and he hums, low and throaty.

"I bet that's really sexy."

Kate smirks and returns her attention the box in her lap. He said he had gotten her a gift, but she had forgotten all about it after their Christmas together yesterday morning and the events of her day at the precinct. Excitement flutters in the pit of her stomach as she slides a nail beneath a flap of the candy cane themed paper, slicing the thin material open.

It's been so long since anyone has given her an actual gift.

Castle lifts his head at the sound, his gaze riveted to the slow work of her hands, and she grins, taking her time just to drive him crazy.

"Kate," he huffs, reaching to take the box from her, but she holds it out of his grasp.

"Okay, stop rushing me," she grins, sparing a brief moment to smudge her smile to his cheek before ripping at the paper for his benefit.

The lack of holiday paper reveals a white, rectangular box, but when she lifts the lid, she's met with a neat, black folder. Curiously, she plucks the folder from its encasing that she moves aside, and sets the hefty binder on her lap. She glances to him from the corner of her eye before she flips the top surface open, trying to gauge his reaction, noticing the nerves hiding behind his anticipation.

"I started writing it the day after I met you," he confesses after he hears the folder open, the first page on display.

_Heat wave _by_ Richard Castle_

Kate's mouth falls, a breath of surprise escaping her lungs. It's a book, the folder in her lap holding hundreds of pages is an actual novel.

"My editor just finished working on it last weekend, but I knew it wouldn't be anywhere near ready for publishing in time for Christmas, so I hope you don't mind the hot off the printer look," he jokes, his chest taut against her shoulder, his breath held hostage, and she has to turn the pages, skim the sharp, black words staining the white papers that fly past her eyes. Her brief exploration ends on the dedication page and it's then that her eyes blur with the tears.

_To KB:_

_You helped me see what the word 'extraordinary' really means._

She makes sure the book is safe at her side and then she turns, wrapping her arms at his neck, pouring her appreciation, her love for him, into the cove of his mouth until he eases them both back onto his pillow.

"The moment I met you," she whispers, smiling softly as he valiantly tries to catch her tears, tries to wipe them all away. It's the second time she's cried all over him in three hours, the poor man. "That's when my life became extraordinary."

"Don't make me cry, Kate," he mutters, blinking too quickly. "I was doing so well at being manly today."

She laughs and swipes at his eyes anyway before resting her head to the middle of his chest, indulging in the lullaby of his heartbeat.

"I'm glad you came," he murmurs into the top of her head, carding his fingers through the curling strands of her hair.

Kate sighs and curls deeper into his side, smiling against his chest as the arm around her shoulders tightens. She's spent a handful of nights in his bed since they took their relationship to a more intimate level, but she's never felt quite as loved, as safe, as she does here with him now. She thinks her mother would be happy for her, proud even, and for the first time she realizes, she may be damaged but she finally feels whole.

"Me too," she admits, lifting her head to lean forward, brush another kiss to his lips.

Rick's hands cup her cheeks and she remains still, allows him his usual routine of mapping her face, fingers tracing with reverence and longing as they scale along her skin.

"I wish I could see you."

Kate shakes her head and leans in closer, bumping his nose with her own in his favorite affectionate gesture.

"You see me better than anyone else."

* * *

><p><em>Inspired by: Castle and Beckett meeting. Castle is blind and never thought he'd meet someone like Beckett in a coffee shop. Castle also has a seeing eye dog. But anyways I'd really like to read something like this. No matter what's wrong with a person there's always the possibility for love.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you to Nadia who took the time to make me such beautiful cover art and thank you to all of you for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts and wish you all the happiest of holidays.**


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